the realm of opiniated wisdom

es quizá tiempo que me muevo encendido

2006-11-08T01:27:00.000+08:00

this blog is 2 years old. my oh my time really flew.

well, it has served its purpose. shall take a breather for now. havnt had the time to update, nor do i think im gonna anytime soon. so yea, goodbye for now.

not sure if im coming back, chances are i might. but we'll see.

take care everyone, much love to all.

I'll Find A Way

2006-10-08T17:07:00.000+08:00

I'll find a way to see you again
I used to think that anything I'd do
Wouldn't matter at all anyway
But now I find that when it comes to you
I'm the winner of cards I can't play
Wait for me
Darling, I need you desperately here

And I'll find a way to see you again

The rain is like an orchestra to me
Little gifts from above meant to say
Girl, you falling at his feet
Isn't lovely or stunning today
Wait for me
I'm alive when you're here with me, stay

And I'll find a way to see you again

Why do the street lamps die
When you're passing by
Like a band that won't stay on my shoulder tonight?
If you held me close, would you laugh it away?
Would you dare the glance that I steal to stay?

And I'll find a way to see you again

The rain will bring me down

- rachael yamagata

ramadhan

2006-09-26T01:27:00.000+08:00

fasting month's here again. just as i was regaining back my slightly-lost appetite for all things edible. shucks that means im gonna be losing a little bit of weight again, which aint good given my already leaned frame. my metabolism's pretty high, thus with the enforced abstinence im sure the toll's gonna show. on the other hand, mebbe it might help cut down on the smoking part. itchy surely, but tahan.. well, never mind la, all in the name of faith and its intrinsic goodness. time to be good, time to behave.

had a dinner outing last saturday with the sociology honours classmates. twas fun, great food great company great bonding. feels a little less awkward now, among those that came. which is definitely a good thing. the aftermeal sheesha and sharing was also nice. thanks and kudos to those who helped organise it. speaking of which, a sports session is in the works for this upcoming friday. looking forward to that. yea yea...

mid-term "break" just started too. am supposed to be catching up with the tonnes of readings, and to start prepping myself for some upcoming assignments with deadlines fast approaching. hope i'd be able to be a bit more productive. hope IS the operating word here. haha..

on a sour note, had a mini-spat with the superior at work over the weekend. over some scheduling rostering shite. had kinda anticipated it happening when she first came into the picture, and now it finally did. though we're amicably cool and civil about it now, a bitter taste's left no doubt. definitely bitter. at times, it's just that i feel a tad underappreciated for all that i've done for the company. and how i scringed seeing how some are getting what they dont deserve and getting all sheltered for what mistakes and cockups they've done. wassup with that? ah well, gotta live with it i guess what with the status quo and all. i'll be gone for good next year. just hope that, in that time, my memories of working there wont be further tarnished. again, hope IS key here.

ok, shall try to go and read abit. 'nite people. much love to all. cheers..

sleepless..

2006-09-21T03:27:00.000+08:00

most times, the grass will always appear to be greener on the other side. frankly speaking, i seriously do not know. perhaps it's just the vacuum playing tricks on me. that hole, that space, that emptiness. and perhaps it's finally getting to me. and eating me from inside. well, i have dealt with this before, and chances are, i will again. steely? i doubt so. just life at its merciless worst. i think.

having said that, thinking again, perhaps it was a little too premature for me to have thought of certain things in a certain way. too far-fetched, too unlikely. guess i was just harping on that little spectre of delusionment called hope.

*bites the bullet*

i need to go out more.

that aside, on to a little unfortunate piece of news, Bo got into an accident wednesday night. thankfully, nothing majorly serious and he suffered abrasions & cuts only. get well soon aite brudder? take care man.

contrary to the heading of this post, i need to head to bed soon. 'nite people.

reason why

2006-09-09T12:27:00.000+08:00

I think about how it might have been
We'd spend our days travelin'
It's not that I don't understand you
It's not that I don't want to be with you
But you only wanted me
The way you wanted me

So, I will head out alone and hope for the best
And we can hang our heads down as we skip the goodbyes
You can tell the world what you want them to hear
I've got nothing left to lose, my dear
So, I'm up for the little white lies
But you and I know the reason why
I'm gone, and you're still there

I'll buy a magazine searching for your face
From coast to coast, or whatever I find my place
I'll track you on the radio, and I'll sign your list in a different name
But as close as I come to you
It's not the same

So, I will head out alone and hope for the best
We can pat ourselves on the back and say that we tried
And if one of us makes it big
We can spill our regrets
And talk about how the love never dies
But you and I know the reason why
I'm gone, and you're still there

So, steal the show, and do your best to cover
the tracks that I have left
I wish you well and hope you find whatever
you're looking for
The way I might've changed my mind, but you
only showed me the door

So, I will head out alone and hope for the best
We can pat ourselves on the back and say that we tried
And if one of us makes it big
We can spill our regrets
And talk about how the love never dies
But you and I know the reason why

- rachael yamagata

just a little update..

2006-09-07T00:59:00.000+08:00

im supposed to be doing my readings, but cant seem to get started so i shall just ramble abit here.

well, its been 4 weeks of school now, and in 2 more, it's gonna be the midterm break. pretty fast huh. seriously im already way lagging in my readings, but its ok im starting to gear up a wee bit. just gotta be more productive and efficient at managing my time. well at least that's a start. think im gonna be staying back most days to read, no matter how little i cover, rather than to head straight back home and into the evils that belie in my room. haha.

school work aside, im kinda enjoying the honours year so far. yea i know i was ranting abit in one of my previous posts about the absence of those who've graduated. i do miss them. but funny thing is, with the smaller classes now, the remaining few people are opening up more, and it feels nice to get to know them abit better. after all these semesters of seeing the same familiar faces, finally everyone's starting to speak to one another. i guess everyone just takes a little time warming up ya.

it's been great too hanging out in the honours room, albeit the fact that it could probably do with a few more useful amenities. a better fridge, more sofas, tv perhaps? hehe. and its been fun too being around the dungeon. fun funny people. seems like everyone knows everyone there. i feel that that is where the heartbeat of the arts fac lie in. can eat, slack, talk cock, curse, swear, read (yes read), sleep, watch youtube, listen to itunes, etc etc. not some dingy aircon-ed room along the walkway to as6. what much have those people in there done for me? zilch. waste time only. and by the way i think i've upped the ante in my smoking intake too. which aint really something to be proud of. but ah well, beats the stress. plus amazingly there's more kakis now. best la best.

and somehow, just somehow, i look forward to school these days. well, gotta make the most of my last academic year!

ok back to readings. i hope. haha...

terrorists & freedom fighters

2006-08-28T00:47:00.000+08:00

i was reading this article on a link of mine, gave me some food for thought.

"Consider the following actions of a political organisation:

1. Attacking British military and police personnel
2. Bombing a hotel and killing 91; mostly civilians
3. Assassinating a British politican and peer
4. Murdering 99 civilians over a sample 4 month period

Would the George Bush, Tony Blair and John Howard regimes waste any time in designating it a terrorist organisation worthy of a free holiday in Guantanamo Bay or Abu Ghraib prisons? Would such a bunch of murderers earn Dubya's epithet as Islamic Fascists? You bet.

Would these terrorists deserve to be hunted down all over the world and when caught, brought before Dubya's military tribunals to be found guilty and executed? You bet - especially if you're a pure as the driven snow Neo-Con Christian Fascist!

Now, here's a little more detail behind each of the terrorist actions listed above.

1. A Jewish terrorist organisation called Irgun, killed numerous British military and police personnel from 1944 through 1948.
2. Irgun claimed responsibility for bombing the King David Hotel; causing the 91 deaths.
3. In 1944, Lord Moyne was assassinated in Cairo by Irgun's sister organisation, Lehi.
4. From April 1939 to July 1939, 99 civilians were shot dead or blown to bits by Irgun.

Yet today, when Hezbollah and Hamas are doing no more than emulating Irgun's business model, they stand condemned as terrorists and "unlawful" combatants by the US, UK and Israel. While Hezbollah's and Hamas' terrorist actions cannot be excused nor condoned, sadly, the hypocritical amnesia of the US, UK and Israel furnishes convenient cover to reduce Lebanon into rubble.

Now, if Winston Churchill (who was a friend of Lord Moyne) had remained in power after WW2, and had reduced Jewish held towns and villages in Palestine to rubble - in an effort to kill off Irgun (just as Israel justifies its actions in Lebanon now), would Condi Fried Rice have regarded this as no more than "birth pangs" of a new Israel? Hmm, somehow I think not!

Let's talk a bit more about Irgun. When it was most active against the British, Irgun was led by none other than Menachem Begin. It was Begin who ordered the bombing of the King David Hotel. Considering that such an act today would surely have earned him odium to perhaps the same level as that reserved for Osama bin Laden, Begin instead became the sixth Prime Minister of Israel while leader of the right wing Likud Party.

Under his watch, Begin charged Ariel Sharon with the task of greatly expanding Jewish settlements in the occupied terrorities - the cause of much enmity between Israelis and Palestinians for such a long time. Then in 1982, with Begin still as PM and Sharon as Defence minister, Israel embarked on the ill-advised invasion and occupation of Lebanon. It was during this invasion, that large numbers of Palestinian refugees were massacred in the Sabra and Shatila camps by Lebanese Christian militias allied with Israel.

So things aren't really as objective and balanced as the US, UK and Israel would have the world believe. In their fantasies, the "good guys" have a higher moral standing than the "bad guys". The high moral standing of the good guys allows them to commit war crimes directly or through proxies like Israel, against unarmed civilians; while dismissing the deaths as "birth pangs" of a new Lebanon. Yeah right. Some birth that's going to be in the rubble strewn country!

Yet the reality is that we in the west, not only failed to capture, try and execute an unlawful combatant and terrorist called Menachem Begin, we recognised him as the lawful prime minister of Israel. We compound our hypocrisy by green lighting the systematic destruction of a friendly and democratic Lebanon, all in the name of destroying Hezbollah; an organisation formed to protect Lebanese Shia Muslims during Israel's 1982 invasion of Lebanon.

The US, UK and Australia among others, lauded Menachem Begin as a Freedom Fighter but regard Sheik Hassan Nasrallah (present leader of Hezbollah) as a terrorist. One person's freedom fighter is another's terrorist. Moral hypocrisy founded on expedient values has no bounds in the White House, Downing Street and Kirribilli House, don't you think?"

- intectus, 190806

2006-08-27T23:57:00.000+08:00

tomorrow's the start of the 3rd week of term, and im still finding it a tad hard to get my feet on the ground & the brain geared towards a more academic mode of thought. still feeling slacky, although in reality i do realise how taxing honours year is gonna be. just hope that this false sense of lullness would go away real soon. i seriously need to buckle down & start focussing. oh yes i should. soon.

one sucky downside that im starting to realise about honours year, is the fact that life in campus tend to get pretty individualized. most of the people i know have graduated, while the rest have such differing schedules that it's hard to meetup for breaks, lunches and watnots. not so much of the buzz that i know of yesteryears. it's now either time in the honours room (with its deafening silence), the forum, or the dungeon. i guess it's just one of those moments in life where adjustments gotta be made again.

met up with the bikeforum people on friday night at yishun dam. a total of 28-30 bikes turned up, if i didnt miscount. will hopefully post up some pics if i manage to get hold of it.

this event is coming up soon. there will be a Super4 convoy joining.

interested? closing date for registration's 5th Sept.

by the way, Happy 22nd B'days to Wan & Yan. a year older, a year wiser i hope. hehe. best wishes to u two. =)

2006-08-17T22:17:00.000+08:00

they say that one man's loss is another man's gain. well, apparently or so it seems that way. all the time. ah well, the world works in funny ways. or at least life does. question is, will i ever be someone else's gain? let's just wait and see on that yeah.

it's been a week in the new term and it's looking like a very busy one ahead. readings and research aplenty. ahhh mampus.

add more inches?

2006-08-15T23:27:00.000+08:00

i hate junk mail. and spam. no i dont need to enlarge my manhood. i dont want to invest in some phony-sounding enterprise, nor am i interested in going to Vegas. and i definitely do not know anyone named Umet Kerklavibogu. whaaaaat nonsense sia. to top it off, the NUSmail's asking if i wanna go for a sexual assault workshop. *stunned*

.....................

a long overdue update

2006-08-10T12:27:00.000+08:00

im off work today. yay! well actually i had to, but i kinda gave up my slot for the day. partly because i aint feeling that well physically, and partly because i just wanna have some time off for meself. the throat's bothering me again, and making me feel all heaty all over. seems like each time im gonna fall sick, that's where im most vulnerably hit. gotta drink more water i guess.

my so-called holidays sorta picked up a wee bit the past week or so, after slogging for the most of it at work. went on a short trip to batam with my work colleagues, a total 12 people in all. nope not for anything funny, but just to chill out. stayed at this 3-star (i think) beach resort that had a 5-star service and staff. we helped ourselves to the seafood fare there, while some indulged in shopping. given the exchange rate, it cannot be helped feeling a little wee bit richer over there. haha. since that wasn't my 1st time there, i was not overwhelmed like the others to shop and whatnots. only got some kerepek and dodol for the family, and of course made my contribution to the sampoerna enterprise. it was a good break, away from the hustle and bustle and flow of this everyday life here.

i also had a family chalet over at the far eastern corner of the island, organised by my civil-servicing cousin. as always, the chalet turned out to have a kenduri-like atmosphere whenever the entire family's involved. so kecoh... bbq, gossips, portable sheesha, the usual. i made full use of the huge pool they have over there. took time to .. ermmm .. practise my swimming skills or whatever there is to it. all part of my plan to keep my options open, in case i turn to PE teaching some time in the near future. oh yea, nothing's complete when me & my cousins are concerned if fishing's not part of the itinery. however the spot where we went behind the chalet near the shipping wharves weren't that good. not many were caught. hmm mebbe the fengshui's not right ah..

me and some of the work people have also in recent times been experimenting with prawn fishing. my doubts that it wasnt gonna be much of a challenge, proved to be wrong as i got more and more hooked on it. seriously, it really tests your patience. and prawns these days are smart i think. but the thrill of catching, ahhhhh...beats everything. but it's a bit expensive though. so yea can't make it into a habit. haha.. you guys should give it a try one day.

school is starting next week. it's so fast man. well, considering that its since may. im in the midst of bidding right now. can you believe it, some joker is actually bidding one of the breadth modules with 4372 points. like what the fug?! either he has never taken any breadths before, or he simply has never heard of the term in moderation. oh cmonnn...

ok, gotta go get ready now. meeting bo & lester at sakae for buffet later. yummmmeh ..

til the next time, take care all.

walking the line...

2006-07-23T00:27:00.000+08:00

2006-07-13T00:47:00.000+08:00

in the aftermath of the world cup, the balding great gets immortalised...

hahaha...

2006-07-10T22:00:00.000+08:00

twas raining quite heavily in the morning, and i kinda felt lazy to bother riding in the rain. so i decided to take the less conventional mode of transport for me these days, i.e. the bus and the MRT, to and from work. to sum it up, im growing to dislike the experience of doing so more and more. its just too slow, too stuffy, and too many people. plus the fact that im not in control of my own time, leaving me at the mercy of the supposed efficiency of the public transport system. bah... good weather permitting, i'll stick to my beloved bike anytime. or to whoever who has a car. hahaha..

oh yea, to my friends and those who are having their graduation tomorrow, congratulations!

contracted...

2006-07-07T02:07:00.000+08:00

all of these work and not much play is making me a dull boy. sigh..

2006-06-21T01:27:00.000+08:00

we were never close, nor see things eye to eye... but i share your sorrow and grief, and empathise with your loss. be strong, for i'm sure He has His reasons and knows what's best. Amin.

2006-06-05T01:17:00.000+08:00

i do not know why, but in recent times lately ive been feeling in some ways deflated. though im not quite sure of how to articulate it, nor place it onto reasons why. but it's ok it's not really something overwhelmingly un-manageable. so yea never mind. ok that's all just to have a release. heh.

2006-06-03T03:27:00.000+08:00

halo halo.. well, i really think that tis' the season to be sick. everyone seems to suffering from some illness or ailments one way or the other. i myself was afflicted with a chronic dry cough with one heck of a ticklish throat for the past week or so. so much so that i was kinda semi-addicted to the woods peppermint mixture and scores of strepsil. now that has gone, though it has somewhat converted itself to some parasitic phlegm-y feeling that stays in the chest. just hope it goes away soon. it's getting pretty irritating la.

ok enough of my misfortune. on a slightly better note, my exam results were out last week & it was somewhat abit better than expected. after much consideration & deliberation & consultation, ive decided to stay on for another year to do my Honours. part of me was a tad reluctant given the "ORD" mindset since the start of last sem, but thinking again mebbe its for the better la. laziness is always a problem but then again, if that's the case, macam mana nak maju kan..? never mind la let's just go with the flow & may this be the right path for me.

i think june's gonna be somewhat eventful for me, although without me being actually involved in any of them. haha.. a friend's getting engaged, a friend's brother's getting married, the gang is going off to bangkok (get tees for me aite? ), and the parents are set for a mini-getaway to the holy land. me i shall just have to slog my ass off again & save some dough. sad but true huh. ah well.

anyways, went to watch Da Vinci Code the other day alone at Empress for 5bucks. tis' a result of me catching the hype a tad late after everyone has all gone much earlier. well it doesnt matter to me because i wanted to finish the book first, and most importantly to see it in budget. haha.. yes this may sound pathetically sad but aaahh who cares. the movie itself was a good visual representation of the detailed narrative found in the text, & i was glad to have read it to fully understand what's going on. and plus nothing beats seeing audrey in person, albeit on screen only. hehe..

again we went for our weekly 2nd Link trip just now. twas a success i feel, for in today's session there was 10 bikes in total, nine Super 4s & one RXZ. and that was without our resident GSX rider and a pal's Fireblade buddy. well at the simplest it was an actual configuration of a real-life friendster network. someone is connected to someone, and got pulled along. haha. great thing was that the interaction was not thatkekok also. mebbe given time everyone would feel at ease i guess. best la best very fun indeed.

ok that's all for now, need some sleepppp....

Up & On!

2006-05-23T00:47:00.000+08:00

the Holy Grail

the winning try in the final seconds. final score, SAJC 15 - 10 RJC

after 17 long years, we finally won the Police Cup again. the victory's especially sweet since it's against our oldest rivals. well, even though my affiliation to the institution was short, the attachment remains, somehow. mebbe representing the college did the trick i guess.

congratulations fellas!

sophie neveu

2006-05-21T01:57:00.000+08:00

audrey tautou

made for the part. gorgeous.

where are youuuuu

2006-05-21T00:07:00.000+08:00

i woke up this morning having lost my voice. yes its so weird, so pelik tapi benar. im feeling alright all over, but now i speak with such hoarseness that speaking to people on the phone makes them think im really sick. i tried recalling what i did or eat yesterday, but i doubt any of them could have been a cause. hmmm.. probably the cold drinks that i indulge myself in must have been a factor. what to dooo... the weather's been pretty hot, & for me only ice-cold Coke Light would do. well i just hope the voice comes back soon, because talking can be such a strain when no one can hear what im saying. you get what i mean?

i had the 1st "interview" with the police force last thursday. it turns out to be just an aptitude/psychometric test, a physical checkup, and some document verification exercise. and there i was feeling so tense & nervy all the way from the night before, mentally prepping myself on how to answer probable questions put forth to me, and going to the place all smart-mamat in a long-sleeved shirt, pants & tie. macam goondu when i see a couple of the potential shortlistees wearing t-shirt (yes a bloody t-shirt!) tucked into some crap-looking jeans with sports shoes. well lucky me there are a few others who did wear a similar outfit, minus the tie. and yea the place is a Ministry afterall so the crowd was quite "professional"-looking. just hope that i'll clear this round, and get the chance to attend the board interview. insyallah.

my parents went to port dickson this morning to attend a wedding. apparently its some person they got to know over there while on their many makan outings with their pals. happening aye. so now its just me at home having to babysit the younger sister. shucks staying home on a saturday. how sad...

there's a few movies i wanna watch. if i have the money of course. haha..

1. Da Vinci Code (after i finish the book asap. hehe.. )
2. Mission Impossible 3 ( though i think im running out of time for that)
3. X-Men 3 (definitely definitely will try to watch)

and yea it's been awhile since i've been to the cinemas. so yea it's about time too.

oh and today i celebrated 2 years on the job. never thought i'd stay this long. Ezy Does It! hahaha...

9/11 revisited

2006-05-17T21:11:00.000+08:00

i have never really been impressed with the official presumptions of what actually happened. here's some food for thought. check this link out.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-7772696530684663669&q=Loose+Change+2nd+Edition

ok i dunno how the heck do i make it go straight into it. so just do it the traditional way ya, copy & paste. haha..

just dropping a note..

2006-05-17T03:33:00.000+08:00

i have been very very lazy to update anything. even though everyday i have so much stuff in my thoughts, plus the things that i do, and the emotions that i feel, bla bla bla ... all that that can be considered blog-worthy material. to sit down & type, i guess i'm over that phase. at least for the moment. haha..

soooo much has passed since i last updated. the exams ended, (non) elections took place, the epl anti-climaxed, Dia played its last episode, i turned 24, mount merapi erupted, liverpool lucked itself to the FA cup, the list can go on...

well lately i havent been doing much. work has been stop-start, & bumming around at home bores me. been trying to rush-read through the Da Vinci Code book before the movie version opens. so far i've succeeded only 18 pages, for the reading-on-the-bed approach only equates to one thing for me. sleep. every night without fail.

i have a couple of dvds waiting to be watched too. oddly i cant seem to spare the time to sit down and watch them when i can spend hours honing my Winning Eleven skills. haha. never mind, shall save them shows for the next dvd session im tinking of organising soon.

the only thing that i enjoy nowadays is riding my bike. no kidding. it gives me a sense of freedom & ease of mind, just cruising here & there to nowhere & everywhere. well of course i gotta watch the petrol consumption too la. yea and bit by bit now im slowly prepping up my bike, adding a little bit of accessories here & there if i have the extra money. the other day i went to this Yishun dam, where it's a scenic spot for the general public to chill out by the edges of the reservoir. a lot of families, car enthusiasts, & bikers were there. i met up with this group of malay riders, all super4 bikes. in total about 20 of us. imagine how fun it'd be if we were to ride in a convoy. hehe..

anyways, some of my friends are going off to bangkok. my cousin is asking me to go to bangkok. my colleagues were suggesting to go to bangkok. seems like that's the in destination to go aye. yea how i wish i could. cheap tees, interesting sights, happening nightlife. but too bad im stricken with loans now. not that i dont have the savings, but rather the thought of coming back after all the holidaying as a pauper. now that's a situation i wanna avoid. responsibilities i guess. shucks.

on another note, i went jogging 3 times over this past week. simply put, it was a total struggle. my fitness level has totally gone back to square -1. that's like reminiscient to my pre-rugby, pre-army days. all the puffing over the years, it showed. terrible. never mind la hopefully slowly i can regain some of it back.

ok i guess that's enough of a ramble for now. i'll try to keep the updates more consistent from now on aite. cheers.

lovely..

2006-04-25T22:33:00.000+08:00

Lulu Tobing

yes, i am a closet fan. hehe..

2006-04-08T22:27:00.000+08:00

Life is bigger
It's bigger than you
And you are not me
The lengths that I will go to
The distance in your eyes
Oh no I've said too much
I set it up

That's me in the corner
That's me in the spotlight
Losing my religion
Trying to keep up with you
And I don't know if I can do it
Oh no I've said too much
I haven't said enough
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try

Every whisper
Of every waking hour I'm
Choosing my confessions
Trying to keep an eye on you
Like a hurt lost and blinded fool
Oh no I've said too much
I set it up

Consider this
The hint of the century
Consider this
The slip that brought me
To my knees failed
What if all these fantasies
Come flailing around
Now I've said too much
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try

But that was just a dream
That was just a dream ..

2006-04-08T03:45:00.000+08:00

ok am finally done with the assignments, thank goodness it's all over... up next, the exams in probably about two weeks time. just hope that i have left enough in me to push this last hurdle. if i am really graduating this semester la. let's just wait and see, though chances are i would i guess..

just came back from 2nd trip to Johore via the 2nd link. went there with my cousin and his friend, unfortunately khaidir couldnt make it this time. perhaps next week or so yea bro? hehe.. it's quite economical i feel to pump petrol there, especially since it's relatively near my home. full tank over there can get about 25 ringgit, whereareas over here it'd have been for about 25 dollars. so it's just logical i guess. plus the added incentive of a cheap supper, cheap ciggies, and the thrill of testing the limits of the bike. hehe.. and to clear the carbon in the exhaust, or so they say. i managed to hit 170km/h, and that aint even at full throttle yet. maybe as i get more seasoned probably i might try higher la. hehe.

something interesting at work occured. a customer who's the manager at california fitness gym says he's been impressed by me and my work, ever since he started patronising the shop. nope nope he's not gay and he's married. well, he said that they are kinda looking for new blood in the company. so he sorta informally offered me to come for an interview and check out what they have to offer. if i were to join, seems like im gonna start at the ground level in being a trainer (in no way do i look fit enough to train people i think!), before slowly moving up into management level. gave me a card, and told me to think about it over the weekend la. hmm, im not sure, but it does sound attractive. like im being headhunted. hehe. how aye.. opinions?

i've got tickets for the rugby sevens this weekend, but sad thing is i aint sure if i would be able to go. half of tomorrow is occupied with work, while sunday i have some stuff to attend to. maybe will try and see if i can squeeze some time in to go to the stadium. anybody interested? free, no strings attached. seriousss.. well i just dont wanna waste them la, every year there's spare ones left unused.

my shoulder and neck area been feeling pretty tense. dont know if it's the muscles (whatever there is to it), or if it's the veins or whatnots. think i could do with a good massage. it's really bothering me. pain man.

im kinda at crossroads, i really dont know what to think of it anymore. i look around, and i see people happy no matter what shite they go through. why cant i ever get it right? im starting to think that maybe the fault/problems lie in me as an individual. man, my record speaks for itself. in a way. perhaps la, i dont know. maybe its some karmic thingy that's coming back to me to haunt me. but, even so, what have i ever done? headache la headache... yeash i am bothered by it all. just cause i've never been expressive about this kinda stuff doesnt mean im all fine and dandy nor am i bochap. it kills me inside, somehow. well, everybody has troubles. or cubaan they say. so mebbe this is the one sphere that im destined to face problems in la. we'll see...

ok enough of being a drama-mama and being all melancholic. no point. life's too short.

by the way april is looking like its gonna be a pretty hectic month for me. seems like im gonna have something on every weekend. plus the birthday is coming. damn another year is gonna pass. im really getting old(er). equals to more responsibilities, more priorities, more worries.

aite time to stop before this turns into an essay. gotta sleep, early shift tom. nite all.

isnt she lovely....

2006-03-30T02:17:00.000+08:00

this is my new love, and im so proud of her.. may this be the start of a long and meaningful relationship..

when i look at her, now id feel like humming....

"You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.
You'd be like heaven to touch.
I wanna hold you so much ....

Pardon the way that I stare.
There's nothing else to compare.
The sight of you leaves me weak.
There are no words left to speak ..."

(p.s. the pics can be clicked for a better view)

solid aye? black is soooooo beautiful. got it for a pretty good deal, just my good luck i guess. been riding it for about 2 weeks already, so far so good. next up, a full face helmet if got rezeki.. hehe..

i will still miss my beloved phantom though, wonder how it is now.. hope the new owner is taking good care of it la..

ok cheerios..

adieu....

2006-03-17T03:27:00.000+08:00

as they say, all good things must come to an end. i never thought this day would come. goodbye.. you will be missed. definitely.

"Every step I take, every move I make
Every single day, every time I pray
I'll be missing you
Thinkin of the day, when you went away
What a life to take, what a bond to break
I'll be missing you..."

15 september 2003 - 17 march 2006

2006-03-14T00:43:00.000+08:00

this is a terribly terribly busy period in the term, not only for me but for everyone else too... so i guess i wont be updating for the time being la.. even though sometimes i do have thoughts to express and stories to share, i think it's best i should save the creative juices (or whatever's that's left of them) for those assignments and whatnots.. sooo to ardent readers, soooo sorrrreh but do bear with my enforced absence yaaa.. haha... ok see ya later alligator(s) ...

2006-03-03T01:07:00.000+08:00

some people say arguments are good, and presumably healthy. but to have them become a feature of your life, that's where the rot starts. it's just ... endemic, biting away at whatever good there's left.

some people say, a good way to gauge it is to see it withstand the test of time. well yeah 15 months have been quite remarkable, even more so when it's been quite a toil. mebbe 15 months was enough. enough to see that probably you and me ... we're just toooo similar that we're different.

some have been supportive, some have just been outright critical. to the former, i can never thank you all enough. to the latter, gloat all you want in your ridicule. well, whatever.

we need a breather, to stay afloat, i hope. let's see where this takes us aite..

sigh ... my throat's sore, my mind's in a worry, my body's lethargic, and my heart aches. this aint a good week at all. aint good at all...

well, when we're down in a rut the only way to go is up. i just hope that i dont sink any further before im able to make that first leap forward. haha...

in an unrelated incident, i just wanna say FUG to the driver of a red/maroon-coloured pickup van with plate number GN1553H. what the bloody hell was he thinking, tailgating me along the AYE, even though i was in the 3rd lane of the expressway, and was already at a speed of 110km/h++ trying to lose him and create abit of a gap between my bike and his shoddy shit of a van. kanina... *points middle finger*

2006-02-27T01:47:00.000+08:00

it may have only been the League Cup, but a trophy is still a trophy.. woohoo! hope this may act as the catalyst for Man Utd to another great run of success, just like it did back then in 1992. i believe the current squad just needs some fine-tuning and a new midfield general in order to get in shape. let's just see then.

anyways, happy 15th month to my dearest gf! well... plus minus, give & take, it's somewhere there la. haha. may we succeed in our future endeavours yea... =)

with regards to my search for a Super 4 bike, it has slowed down in some ways. tis partly due to my parents' insistence that i dont change right now because i dont really have the physical cash to show for it. sigh. actually i dont really care la since it's not as if im asking them for any money. but the fact that i wont be having their full "support" macam not nice like that. like not having the restu u know? anything can happen yea... so yep i guess i shall just try to save up for the time being la..

every night, in my sleep, this is what i see myself doinggg...

but with more style of course.. haha.. ah well, soon la soon...

2006-02-23T02:17:00.000+08:00

it's been a little while since ive really updated. well, ive been quite caught up with the usual stuff, plus there were quite a few events/gatherings/functions that i attended. somewhat surprisingly ive managed to find time to do all that, but yet again the same cannot be said when it comes to buckling down to do my readings and watnots. laziness is one thing but most times there's just too many distractions around i guess, especially at home. ah well.. hahaha..

i met up with dr. lockhart last last sunday, since the time he got back from the States for the hols. went to the same middle-eastern restaurant at holland village, stuffed myself full with arabian pitas-like bread, sour cream, chicken kebab, almond pudding, & mint tea. yummeh.. the only thing missing is sheesha. haha.. too bad they dont have it. thanks again sir for the treat, one day hopefully i can return the favour/s yaaa..

the next four days after that were filled with school and classes, and since it was an even week, trying to prepare for tutorials were taking up quite a bit time! not that i managed to really do it for all of them. haha. anyways i managed to squeeze in time late on wednesday after class to go out with the gf. went on abit of jalan-jalan in town, though what she finds fascinating there i also dunno. it's the same old boring orchard to me. haha. well mebbe it's because i dont shop much la i guess. ate at marche's (only my 2nd time there ever, seriously) - had calamari, soft-shell crab, rosti & ice-creamed-banana crepes. yummeh.. we slacked in front of taka after that, people-watching. twas a good day, sharing the time with her given the fact that we're always caught up with our own stuff.

thursday was nini's birthday, and the celebration was alllllll the way in the other end of the world, otherwise known as Loyang. worrying about the transport back home at night, i decided to ferry myself and the gf there by bike. yes it was a torturously long journey, but all for the convenience. had a bbq amidst the company of this motley bunch of police personnel. while there we managed to sample this new super lame Suria programme called the 4th Dimension, which turned out to be not horrifying as it seemed to be, but rather a poor imitation of some fact or fiction docu-drama. ok that aside everything else was fun. and plus there was this chino-malay chap who appeared to be taking an interest in one of us. well not me of course la. but yeah it was obvious, and being a guy, i could tell. haha..

friday was work so there's nothing to comment on it except that it booooressss the hell out of me.

the weekend started with me going for my bike practice in the hot midday sun, before heading to suntec to watch alif perform at impresario 2006. not bad at all, he got second place. congrats brudderrr.. had to part and take my leave from the rest as i had to attend another bbq at the east coast, this time organised by the office people from my workplace. it was great to be meeting up with them, especially the ones i was/am close with. again food was in abundance too. stayed back till pretty late, about 4am plus to be precise. it's seldom that i actually stay out that late anymore, so by then i was damn stoned from the long day i had, and had to be more vigilant while riding back home.

sunday was again a working day so it's not really worth a mention.

i had my final bike practice on monday afternoon. was pretty kancheong by then, though i got to know this nice malay fella at bbdc. met up with Bo for dinner at al-ameen that night, although unashamingly it was primarily because i needed to interview him for my religion module. oh the irony. haha. sorry Bo but i appreciate the time spared. thanks again brudder.

tuesday was the biggest of the biggest day, because i was having my 2A TP test that morning. cant help but be kancheong to the max but thankfully with the grace of God i managed to pass it this time. woohoooo! am aiming to upgrade as soon as i can manage to convince my parents, find a buyer for my beloved phantom, and source for good deal for a Super4. hopefully la yea. went to to school after that for a semi-fruitful project meeting, and celebrated that night by treating the gf to dinner at swensen's. hope she enjoyed it la, since im quite a scrooge actually when it comes to splurging. hehe..

today i went to my sis's place to visit my nieces. i miss them alot as they do not come over anymore ever since the birth of the third one. Sabrina's all kakak-kakak now, Sarah's words are starting to make more sense, and Shasha is much healthier and stable. the later part of the day was again taken up by dinner/supper, this time at lau pa sat in view of alif's upcoming 22nd birthday. with wan around it was inevitable that we ordered quite a substantial amount of food - bbqed chicken wings, satay, steamed cockles, stingray, baby squid, chilli crab, and the birthday cake. and bandung for me. thankfully we managed to finish it up this time. haha..

well that's about it la. one thing i noticed is that they are stuff that need money, and perhaps one might wonder how come i could do all that, since i've always complained about the need to budget and all. well i guess it's because i worked my ass off the previous month, so the pay cheque was a pretty sum la. and all the the scrimping and saving allowed for a little bit of excess every now and then. and it makes it all the more fulfilling and satisfying to be able to luxuriate in my own hardearned money once in awhile. alhamdullilah.

ok that's one long post. im pooped now. gd night.

2006-02-20T18:07:00.000+08:00

if we are that similar ... why cant we just get alooongg? that i wonder.

crash boom bang..

2006-02-01T00:27:00.000+08:00

went blading today, albeit with lotsa difficulties and bumps and bruises. im not that quite a pro yet, so it figures. can feel the muscles tightening now, and i cant imagine how it's gonna ache over the next couple of days. well it was fun though, my one free day over the long long long new year weekend.

managed to squeeze time after work the other day for sheesha too, with the same old same old people. as always i enjoyed it thoroughly. haha.. though i realise that all that smoke and mint and watevernots tend to have an effect on my dreams when i sleep after im home. it's just weird, coz the dreams are weird. fascinating it may be but nevertheless unrealistic and .. just weird. and id wake up like as though ive just had a hangover or something.

speaking of dreams, a couple of days ago i kinda dreamt about me losing teeth, bit by bit by bit. and i was feeling worried and panicky about it, as it starts falling apart. it's just scary. apparently according to the older generation those kinds of dreams are never a good indication of whats to come, an omen of some sorts. i dunno la, some may consider it hogwash and stuff but to me, it never hurts to take note of all these mumbo jumbo, as outrageous as it may be. for all we know there might be some truth in it. only God knows. we'll see.

anyways, i find it amusing whenever i read/see people lambasting others on blogs, coz it's just funny to see the way they try to demean their subject of interest in any possible way. well that's understandable if they have a reason to. and since blogs are a semi-personal domain i believe it is in any individual's right to do so. what i find bemusing though is when anyone tries to direct a message across to others through inferential sarcasm that may not be latently obvious to many, especially when it's directed to anyone whom they supposedly consider as close or best friends. and i find such "subtleties" worse when they reflect the ignorance and indifference to the lives of those that they are attacking. i wonder why cant anyone, if he/she is that great or close or best a friend, just speak up, share and voice their thoughts openly? pals? naaah...dont seem like it to me. rather, it smacks of cowardice and it speaks volumes about the nature of the supposed friendship. and the person's character.

i dunno la, it's just my personal opinion. i might be reading too much into it. but mebbe because it's something i've noticed time and time again. i dunno la. hard to say.

feel free to comment. if any.

2006-01-24T22:27:00.000+08:00

well well i havnt been blogging again, simply because i..

1. havnt been online much.
2. am lazy.
3. dont have much to rant & whine about.
4. dont engage in much activities worthy of mention.
5. live a life preoccupied with school & earning pocket money.

and it's hard to start having the mood and flow to update once the inertia sets in.

anyways, i didnt clear my TP test the other day. i do not know why. apparently i accumulated too many points, they say. how disappointing is that? it's damn bitter having to swallow the fact that i failed because of that, despite having been a qualified rider for more than two years man. smacks me right in the face. the last time i felt such hurt was when i semi-flunked my A-levels, and i cant really describe the sinking feeling and the trauma of replaying in my mind what could have possible gone wrong. i guess im just bitter because i hate having to go through all the procedures again, wasting time and importantly money. it just sucks la. ah well... hopefully better luck next time.

and ive been feeling pretty lethargic lately. perhaps ive been out of the house too often, and working too much. too little rest, too little time for recreation. it's starting to make me wonder whether it's worth the effort of trying to earn as much as i can, just to sustain myself, at the expense of other possible things i can do. the funny thing is that as much i try, the money's never enough. expenses are always there to eat it all up. that's why im pretty envious of people who can spend like there's no tomorrow. i see this alot in the streets, in campus, at the workplace, etc etc ... kids who act all pompous splashing cash and wearing brands and eating at places that i cant even afford to, not at this moment at least. mebbe im just bitter la. afterall, i know of people who are in more difficult positions than me, and they persevere no matter what. mebbe i should too.

i dunno la, mebbe im just being cranky. i havnt been really that happy happy lately, and perhaps circumstances arent really helping. so it all adds up. yeah that's about it. pardon the angst la, i might be pms-ing meself. *shrugs*

2006-01-05T22:07:00.000+08:00

ok im much better already. just left with the occasional sinus and the odd cough.

been very tired lately, probably due to the hectic activities i've engaged myself in the past few days. i spent the onset of the new year at siloso beach on sentosa, unfortunately not to party but to work. got myself a lobang for a one-time, 12-hour, overnight stint with km8, as part of the whole MTV celebration thingy. the pay was good so it was quite rewarding la. had to do ushering, crowd control, a little bit of callbacks for orders, and lotsa carrying of crates and cartons. the music was good, though later on i got real dizzy when they switched to those house and techno shit. the place was brimmed with many foreign nationals and impressionable talk-with-a-slang kids. it was comical to see people-who-think-they-can-dance actually dancing. haha.. macam cartoon man. and drunk people? whatever that comes out of their mouth are just nonsense. verbal or otherwise. teruk la.. well anyways i was concussed when i got home the next morning. went home and slept straightaway til the evening before meeting the gf for dinner.

dinner was great, shared with her abit of that hard-earned money eating pizza. yummeh. also got for meself a set of pants, and she got a pair of jeans. hehe. compulsive mebbe but who cares. i need variety.

the next few days saw me resuming work as per normal. boring but what to do. my body also ached due to the after-effects of carrying all those heavy stuff, so was pretty shagged out la. had our annual stocktake yesterday too, had to scan practically everything in the store. can you imagine that, every single disc. leceh leceh.

things aint all that bad for me though. managed to get all my intended modules for next semester within the first bidding round. saved me the trouble of checking CORS anymore. will therefore be taking religion, education, sexuality, family, and social inequalities. interesting stuff.. i likee..

and i renewed my broadband contract with Starhub, and they gave me an Xbox in return! woohooo..

but im broke right now. so yea gotta budget when the term starts.

well that's about it i guess whenever something happens there's always another thing underlying it. with good comes bad, with bad comes good. life's like that for me.

will be going off for a short break this weekend. a much needed breather. till then ya. oh and a Happy Hari Raya Haji and a belated New Year to all. cheers.

2005-12-29T01:37:00.000+08:00

i've been sick these past couple of days or so, ever since i got caught in the rain a few days back. been kinda fluish, and the nose's been irritatingly runny. the back of the head's kinda heavy too, so it aint good at all. what i dont like most about being sickish is the fact that the urinary tract gets kinda loose too, caused by the regulatory increased intake of water when anyone is unwell. thus i find myself visiting the loo more often than i'd really like to actually. it's ... ermm ... troublesome la. and worse is, when im sick, i'd get all these weird and out-of-this-world dreams whenever im asleep. i cant quite figure out why, perhaps its all due to the mishmash of medication and drugs that circulate through my bloodstreams. weird la weird. it'll be stuff that have totally incomprehensible storylines with a gazillion characters that may just be people whom ive met in my life. familiar faces all, but i'd have no idea why in the world would they be there in my dreams, acting out illogical scenes that just doesnt make any sense. yesterday i was like shooting rats or soemthing. and at times these dreams can be oddly chilling and scary too. macam premonitions like that. it's all weird im telling you.

anyways the time to bid for modules is here again. all the time-wasting hours spent monitoring the bids and frantically trying to find the best possible combination for the perfect timetable. to me, this exercise is a way for us to display our very own grasp of kiasuism, how best we can play the system to our own advantage. troublesome, and dumb. if this was the army we'd all be yodelling to the tune of 'Heerrre we go again...same ol' shite again..'. many times over. just hope i'd get the modules that im interested in taking la. which on hindsight isnt much of a choice la coz im kinda catching up on my soci mods. well, best of luck to everyone yea.

speaking of which, my results for last semester was fine. i did averagely well, though nothing brilliant of course. im just glad, with the grace of God, that i cleared all including the toughest ones. im still in doubt and quite uncertain about doing honours though, the CAP's improved but it's still hinging on the borderline. decisions man decisions. perhaps i shall file for graduation first before taking a look at the results for next semester, and deciding. just in case.

i've been craving for sheesha. again. anyone? but not my treat la. haha

and i just watched 'I am Sam' belatedly the other day. a heartwarming show indeed. yessss i can and do feel okkk..

and why.. why does it always rain on me.. i wonder.

subliminal paedophilia

2005-12-21T00:47:00.000+08:00

really..?

2005-12-19T00:07:00.000+08:00

i really dread facing the time of the month, or to be more precise the onset of it. it's tricky for the afflicted and especially the affected, very very difficult to negotiate indeed. one wrong move can prove to be really disastrous, the repercussive effects potentially long-lasting. headache la headache. aaah welll the peculiarities of the eighth wonder of the world...

wot a disappointment..

2005-12-16T18:37:00.000+08:00

maann i didnt know how hard negotiating the emergency brake and the bumpy course could be. didnt clear that stage, though i did pass the S-course and the crank course with relative ease. i kinda lost balance a couple times while braking, and dropped the bike like some novice like that. sooo embarassingly unskilled sia. for the bumpy course, i struggled to keep a straight trajectory while going through the humps, body half-upright (no pun intended). i wonder how the circus does it, you know, the one with like a gazillion stuntmen riding/standing on one miserable tiny bike. aaah well just didnt have the luck i guess. suay la suay. never mind i shall striveeee...

2005-12-16T01:27:00.000+08:00

the thing that sucks most about having a chalet is the lethargy that linger days after it ends. waking up for work today was kinda difficult, despite sleeping relatively early yesterday, one of the earliest for this holiday so far. felt so so lazy to go, but of course i did end up going la. cant afford to skive.

speaking of work, there are two kinds of customers that exist. one that makes your day, and one that can make it really bad. today i encountered this bloody irritating kid, no more than just 5-6 years old, who cant seem to behave himself in the store. he was running around touching and misplacing everything on the shelves, and played with the ice on the insides of the ice-cream freezer, leaving it wide open. worse is when he rubbed his hands against the glass door/wall, which has decorative snow designs for christmas. that left the whole thing all messed up looking like some abstract art done with a correction fluid. all this while the idiotic mother was apathetically browsing through titles. and when the devil of a son did drop a couple of casings and a metal divider onto the floor, all she did was to look at me, and told me to scold her son for misbehaving. " Aah scold him scold this boy he dont want to listen one...aah boy you see uncle scold you already aaah you better put back..bla bla bla.." please la woman .... seriously? what the heck.. inside my head i was thinking hey bodoh this is your son it's good enough that i didnt give him a mighty jotos when you werent looking. as much as i love kids, what i cant stand is children who dont know how to behave in a public place, have no manners, and talk like yaya papaya who think they know a lot already. yes and plus parents who allow their kids to revel in such a behaviour, and allow them to end up like that. it's amazingly sad for them. and i cant stand it. i bet no one can.

anyways ive got a gut feeling i might be graduating after next semester. not that i would be that disappointed about it, but it's more of the fact that im kinda afraid i might not know of what to do as a career after that. to date, its a choice between being a policeman, or being a teacher. there may be other options as i go along, but those are the two most practical ones i can think of at the moment. the private sector appeals, but the instability worries me too. haiya dunno la headache thinking about it all. decisions decisions. how aye?

im feeling tired. it's seriously the post-chalet syndrome la. should sleep soon i guess. got my second practical to go for tomorrow anyway. wish me luck again yea. good night.

2005-12-14T19:47:00.000+08:00

just came back from a reunion chalet with the SA people in the afternoon. was damn damn tired, had quite a load of fun slacking, catching up and just bumming around, along with the standard bbq and all. the place was nice, a quiet location somewhere off Changi, at a very reasonably cheap rate, and had a mini lawn in front, facing directly towards the sea barely 50-100m away. the environment was relaxed and the weather pretty much behaving itself, so that helps. the company was great too, plus the gf came to join us on the second night. it was a tad unfortunate though i think that there wasnt a full attendance for all, since we rarely meet these days, with some missing due to work and other commitments. well i guess that's the downside of progressing with our own individual lives as we get older and older la.

well anyways i came home feeling stoned from the lack of sleep. your own bed will always somehow feel more comfy then any other ones. yeap so i took a nap, it does wonders and now here i am feeling more refreshed than i really need to. bet i cant sleep tonight. hmm mebbe i shall catch up on some dvds later.

apparently my last entry has raised some alarm bells about me smoking, and the fact that i do do it. mebbe it's because i've never made it that obvious nor smoked that much to make it seem like i have that habit. well, i guess it's one of those things whereby you dont really go around declaring to everyone yeah? if you see or you know then you will see and you will know la. haha.. actually i was just wondering la how two very subjectively enjoyable indulgences can be thought of very differently by everyone, when both has its demerits too. it's just like any other vices that people suffer from i feel. things like compulsive shopping, endless gaming, and frequent eating, if we think about it, do waste money, make the individual suffer health/mental concerns, and affects the people around you. so who's to say that smoking's wrong yea.. well im not championing for it la, just saying that it can be one of the many many things that anybody do, or choose to do. get what i mean? anyways, for one and all, thank you for the concerns. very much appreciated...

2005-12-11T01:27:00.000+08:00

ok i've finally enrolled myself at the BBDC for the 2A course. wish me luck yea.

stayed home today after that. bummed around, did nothing much. didnt really have much of an appetite either, wasnt too keen on rice nor dishes. ate cereal for brunch, potatoes/minced meat/kichap for late lunch, and 1-day old prata & sambal udang for my dinner. managed to practise my Winning Eleven skills for awhile before the controller got cranky again, tried watching Godfather II on dvd after that. story was way way too long and draggy ( although good ), before i gave up falling asleep instead. bummed around again while waiting for the gf to get home from work. managed to chat with her for awhile before she got cranky too so that didnt last too long either. so here i am updating this blog without having much to say. basically this is a meaningless entry based on a meaningless day. haha.. ok mebbe i shall go catch some soccer on the telly. ok go.

oh btw, i cant seem to think which of the below is the more sinful of choices,

this...

or this..

both costs the same, both unhealthy..
the choices in life.
*shrugs*

2005-12-06T01:37:00.000+08:00

the past couple of days breezed past me, been working again to make up for the lost hours used for the exams. though judging by how the papers turned out probably i would have been better off working during that 'reading' period also. ah well.. anyways, twas quite an effort for me to get back to the sales & service line mentality and getting familiarised with the environment and all the ongoing promotions and watnots after that short intermission. and there's a new girl at work, but she reeks of this weird-smelling stink. dunno whether its her breath or odour or wat la. *urrgghh*

i outdid myself today, setting a new benchmark for my capacity to eat. the day started slowly with me waking up at about noon plus, and bumming around the house taking care of the little cabbage patch kid while my mom went to the pasar. had my first meal late in the late afternoon with Kelloggs cereal & milk, finishing up the final disc of my 2-month-old The OC marathon. the day kickstarted with me having a maiden dinner with the gf at Thai Express Holland Village, my first time ever eating at that chain. yeah abit the lembab but who cares. i had this dish numbered 6101, some softshell crab thingy. plus rice. which was not enough so i asked for an additional bowl. that left me quite full, somewhat surprisingly (the dish was superb i must say...highly recommended). and i thought that was all to it. however later that night we decided to join wan & faz for supper, since they had the car and offered to chauffeur us around. ended up in Simpang Bedok for the 1st time too, and again us foursome somehow managed to overestimate the amount of food to order. teruk man macam how many days never eat. people walking past our table must be thinking what gluttons we are. so, despite my 3/4-filled tummy, i still found room for some kerang rebus, sup tulang and wrinkly fries, washed down with my regulation Coke. well yea it sounds little but the pile of clam-shells and marrow-less bones left on my plate bears testimony to my eating prowess. im amazed too. yet i never seem to put on much weight, still the same old skinny fella. weirdd..

anyways court soccer session's tomorrow, so mebbe all that food will be put to good use la.

what sucks now is that my body clock seems to be suffering from the post-exam trauma. sleeping way way late and waking up way even later. the good life perhaps yea but this shouldnt go on for very long, afterall its only a one month break. too short la too short to readjust all. having said that, i cant decide now whether it shall be CSI, or the Godfather II for tonite.. hmmm..

things i need/want for december (or Christmas):
1. 2A licence
2. berms
3. t-shirts
4. boxers
5. Krumpler sling pouch
6. more Ben & Jerry's
7. beach slippers
8. corduroy jeans
9. contact lens solution
10. money for all of the above.

sigh.

2005-12-02T11:07:00.000+08:00

yay the exams are finally over, though i dont really feel too good nor that celebratory about it. it's one of the worst-prepared exams ive ever gone through, and i can only hope for the best. or at least for some good to come out of it. but wateva la its done and over with.

spent the post-exam euphoria by having a soccer kickabout in school. played against some Viet kids who have horses' lungs running rings around us. mampus pancit to the max. got a bruised shin when i ended up kicking this poor Nguyen, who had reacted to a loose ball faster than me. ouch. but i was ok, though the fella ended up sprawled on the court cursing in some undecipherable expletives. later in the night i had a Winning Eleven tourney at najib's place, along with bo & lester. after hours of finger-crunching action and lotsa behind-the-scenes politicking, manipulation, and cheating, bo managed to retain his title, with luck being largely on his side. twas fun, till the next session yeah.

i just realised that i travelled on almost all of the highways yesterday. went to campus on the AYE, and to najib's via the BKE, escorted lester home through the SLE & the TPE, before going home in the wee hours by the PIE. that is quite a distance. ok this part means nothing much but just a bit of trivia that's all. haha..

anyways i came across this pic while wandering through Friendster quite some time back..

bet we cant find places like this over here! haha...

2005-11-18T02:27:00.000+08:00

it's crunch time the exams are here, time to conserve the juices (the creative ones) ... so i guess my blogging inactivity will be a little bit more prolonged la... cheerios then..

Freak On A Leash

2005-11-07T21:27:00.000+08:00

Something takes a part of me.
Something lost and never seen.
Everytime I start to believe,
Something's raped and taken from me... from me.

Life's got to always be messing with me. (You wanna feel alive)
Can't they chill and let me be free? (So do I)
Can't I take away all this pain. (You wanna feel alive)
I try to every night, all in vain... in vain.

Sometimes I cannot take this place.
Sometimes it's my life I can't taste.
Sometimes I cannot feel my face.
You'll never see me fall from grace
Something takes a part of me.
You and I were meant to be.
A cheap f*** for me to lay
Something takes a part of me.

Feeling like a freak on a leash. (You wanna feel alive)
Feeling like I have no release. (So do I)
How many times have I felt diseased? (You wanna feel alive)
Nothing in my life is free... is free

- Korn

2005-11-04T23:47:00.000+08:00

its about time that i update.

well, first things first. happy belated hari raya puasa, & a belated deepavali for all concerned. tis the season to be jolly. though somehow the ramadhan that just passed wasnt that fulfilling for me. personally i just dont feel that satisfied with it, with myself, and how it went. well yeah i did abstain from eating and drinking (water) and a whole lotta other stuff, but it just didnt feel right enough. definitely room for improvement. for next year hopefully.

went visiting with the family, twas one of my more enjoyable ones in recent times. for the past few years i had been feeling abit lazy-ish about meeting with seriously long-lost relatives, but yesterday it felt kinda nice and heartwarming to be seeing all those people. i do not know why, just a feel good thingy. which it should be la. ate like i've never eaten before. was especially craving for all serondeng and chocolate chip cookies. yummmy.. got some token hongbaos from some kind aunts who still recognised my status as a student, which is always nice.. concussed as soon as i got home at about 10plus in the evening, till the next day when i had to wake up to rush to school and hand up the essay i was desperately finishing up on hari raya eve, rushed to videoezy jelita to return the Godfather II, and then zipped to tiong bahru to open the store.

anyways, work was fine today. boring and slow, but manageable. still cant get my mind back to non-fasting mode. forgot a couple of times that i can now drink water and munch menthos while dawdling at the counter. watched charlie & chocolate factory for like 4-5 times, the songs are just so nice and funny. surprisingly. makes the shop sound a notch livelier.

school's been a real chore. each week there's always at the very least one assignment/essay to hand up. not to mention tutorials to prepare (which i seldom do), and readings to be done (which i havnt been doing). thank goodness im just left with one more to do which is due next fri, before i can really start on revision. well actually not really revision coz i have barely gone through most of them even once. but aahh well you get the idea.

some aspects of my life are quite messed up right now. i dont quite know where everything stands. kinda estranged, kinda weird, kinda hard to tell. stress la stress. and headache too.

anyways, whatever la huh. que sera sera. many more things to worry about.

and somehow life always has a way to smack you up and face up to the real world. again i am reminded just how short life can be. just received an sms from an old friend whose my age that her dad just past away this afternoon. i am in shock, though she says its been coming since he's been sick for quite some time already. its just saddening la no doubt, such a difficult time, and at a time when everyone's all so caught up with the festivities and such. be strong aite? well mebbe its for the better, only God knows best. treasure your loved ones people. i will. i'll try. at least.

gd nite..

2005-10-17T13:17:00.000+08:00

the engine leaked, and the pocket burnt. dammit..

2005-10-16T16:07:00.000+08:00

wokay im baaackk and feeling much better, thank goodness and thank God. recovered my voice, though there's still remnants of dry cough left from time to time. still abit itchy.

am stuck in school now at the forum, am supposed to be reading up for my gender studies, but it's kinda dark here right now. it's raining damn heavily, and i cant figure out where the switches are. so i cant really do much now but to squint at this screen. just hope the rain eases up soon, or else id be breaking fast here all alone munching sandwiches and drinking 40 cents cup coke from the vending machine. yan's with her project group now, and is supposed to be going for some gamelan thingy at the botanic gardens or something later. though i doubt its still on given the heavy rain. guess we'll see how later.

anyway, imah has kindly put up some pics from the SAM production on her page, and me and yan are featured! thank you very muccchh.. so to those of you who's been wondering how we two look like, you might wanna check her link out ya..

2005-10-10T19:27:00.000+08:00

it is very wrong timing to fall sick during the fasting month. on top of the inevitable feeling of slight hunger and thirst, being sick is making me all weak, cranky, and a bit of a grouch. its quite unfortunate for my closest ones, they get the brunt of my temporary short fuse-ness. very the sorry yeah.. aniwaes, ive been feeling unwell since last tuesday actually. got a sore throat at first, which eventually developed into a fluish, sinus-like condition. the nose turned into a leaking tap again, and on friday i somehow lost my voice too. i ended up going to work during the weekend sounding like a cross between a pre-pubescent young punk and a full grown adult trannie. no kidding. imagine how bad it was. talking was a real struggle la. and at times when i cough my chest feels like im stricken with pneumonia or something. pain siaaa.. but i dont think i'll be going to the doctor anytime soon. because it'll mean spending money. which means having medicine to eat. and because its medicine thats been paid for, i cant afford to let it go to waste. thus id have to skip my fast. which id prefer not to. weird logic but ok. i'll see how i am over the next few days first la... aniwaes, the missus was real nice in getting me some prescription medication from the pharmacy already. so lets just hope it works well enough la. *fingers crossed*

life in mono...

2005-10-08T20:27:00.000+08:00

i think people change the most when they least see it in themselves. maybe i have been guilty of that. maybe you have. too.

2005-10-07T13:57:00.000+08:00

apparently this is my 100th post. according to blogger. amazing!

aniwaes, it's been ages since i've updated. been too stretched and busy la, and also a tad lazy. and plus i dont seem to have any ideas on what to blabber about when i do come online. it's funny how i keep telling myself, ok there's this something i wanna post, or ok perhaps i could write about this thingy tonite. but ahh well all comes to nothing i guess... you get the idea...

school's very packed these days. in a way, i kinda think now that squeezing all my lessons into 3 days isnt such a good idea afterall. there's not really much leeway for me to find time to do some work in between. some days i end up staying back way late in campus to at least do something productive. home is such a distraction la. id end up falling asleep, play my PS2, slack around, watch whatever's on tv, and stuff like that. ive still got readings aplenty to catch up on, and deadlines are approaching for many assignments. oh god wish me luck.

yesterday was first day of fasting. the transition from normality to one of abstinence is quite challenging. gotta refrain from food and drinks, which is definitely tricky for a bottomless pit like me. though i tink whats more difficult is for us not to think negatively, not to bitch, and not to let our eyes roam. especially us guys. it's innate i guess.

it's not helped by the hot weather too. and by the fact that im kinda feeling sickish. the throat's aint that well, losing my voice a wee bit. overall the body is kinda achy and all. think it's coz i havnt been having enough rest. accumulated fatigue is a real killer la. not good indeed not good.

am still in school now by the way. quite saddening rite. not much a life lately. bah....

aniwaes, happy fasting to all muslims. buka-ing slots are now open. hahaha..

2005-09-22T15:57:00.000+08:00

today i witnessed the epitome of what is considered skill in riding. i was riding up Holland Road past the old Ulu Pandan military camp, pillioning a friend who's not exactly the lightest of guys around (despite his lean frame), on the way to town when we stopped alongside this old veteran of an Ah Pek revvvving on a rickety-WW2-looking RXK bike at a red light. when the lights turned green i moved off leaving him behind, chuckling away at the sight we just saw, because the poor old man was balancing this huge stack of fresh newspapers strapped onto the seat behind him, reaching up til almost the top of his helmet, along with another pile which was resting on the tank in front, while he conveniently rested his chin on it. his arms were like improvised to stretch for the handles, and i doubt if he could barely see the road with his sight blocked. well, i was wrong! not long after moving off, at a point where traffic was pretty fast, he zoomed right past us and a few other cars on the rightmost lane, with that high engine shriek you can typically hear from those racer mats on bikes. and the Ah Pek was interchanging in and out of lanes damn smoothly, without even using his gears nor clutch at all. well i presume he didnt la since his left hand was on top of the papers in front, rather than the left handlebar! hahahaha... damn terror man.. r-e-s-p-e-c-t *salutes* ..

there's a soccer match this sunday at ntu, and i am quite excited about it. though i dont think i am really in great shape these few days. my right butt cheek still hurts, after getting jabbed by an opponent's knee in the most recent street session. the left calf muscle which cramped isnt back to its tender softness yet either, so that's another worry. the knee's still as dodgy as ever. whats been bothering me alot though is my lower back, its been kinda aching lately, and pains if i stand for too long. not too sure if its a muscle or bone problem. so its pretty uncomfy sometimes. shucks this sucks. how i wish there's a thing like a workshop for the human body or something, where you can service yourself every now and then. ok that sounds really wrong.... but ahh well you get what i mean..

i heard the other day that one of my friends and her bf got mugged whilst in JB. i was quite shocked coz i never expected anything of that sort to happen to anyone i know. thankfully they suffered no harm, apart from losing valuables and money. guess we should all just be careful yeah, especially those who frequent there often. its getting more risky these days.

ok i also found out today that wearing anything that is not really 100% fully dry is a bad bad idea. i did that when i grabbed the jacket which my mom has so kindly helped to wash off the rack in the kitchen, stuffed it into my bag, and went out. thinking that it was dry enough. well wore it when i was riding back home at night and realised that there was a musky stinky smell permeating from around me, and it was quite nauseating! so lesson learnt, wear dried stuff. always.

aniwaes, before i go i shall quote from something someone wrote that made me think. "why is it that the US can send out hundreds of aircraft and soldiers at the drop of a hat, but cant send enough rescuers to New Orleans?" hmmm i wonder why..

pooped..

2005-09-14T15:37:00.000+08:00

i have been feeling damn tired. i dunno why. perhaps the late nights im keeping is playing a part. not that i want to stay up, but somehow i cant get to sleep sometimes. its weird la. mebbe im experiencing some form of insomnia. and its causing me to feel sleepy more often than i usually would while in lessons. subconsciously, sometimes i would just end up snoozing without wanting nor realising it. the scrawly squiggly scribbles at the tailends of my sentences in the notes are testamony to that. terrible la. whats worse, im detecting signs that i might be falling sick. you know, tense neck, heaty eyes and the sorts. hope it wont develop any further la. sigh. this is no goooood..

the past week passed pretty quickly. did quite a fair bit of stuff quite different from my considerably routine life. went to indulge in waffles and ice cream on half-priced tuesdays at gelare last week, with the missus. things are looking up, in some ways, and i hope it stays that way la. reality check #1 - it pays to focus your attention on the ones who actually matter.

on wednesday i was down at holland village again. this time i was meeting up with a former lecturer of mine, where i had the good fortune of getting a lovely lovey treat from him. well, before anyones thinks of anything, just for the record i must state that he doesnt teach me anymore, so that throws out any possibility of favouritism and watnots. it was interesting i feel, shared quite a few thoughts and insights on several life concerns. i guess its different listening to views from someone who is mature, foreign and is an academic, compared to things we typically hear from our peers. total polarity. reality check #2 - the simple things in life are what i should be most thankful for.

thursday i accompanied Bo to the hospital before heading to the Asian Civilisation Museum for an assignment. we visited a friend whose dad apparently had a stroke recently. this despite being generally normal and healthy all along. his age was close to my father's, and it struck a chord in me. it could have happened to him, i wouldnt have known. nauzubillahminzallik. again it reminds me of how short life is, anything can happen especially when we least expects it. shudderrr. reality check #3 - treasure my parents. they aint that young anymore.

finally, on saturday it was a mini-reunion with my friends from the now-defunct Jurong Institute, albeit at a wedding of one of the guys. he's a firefighter, so i guess he must be stable enough to be ready to embark on a journey on life's yellow brick road. meeting them was great, since its been ages since we saw most of each other. caught up on news, current affairs, and gossips. not forgetting laughing at the old lame jokes and reminiscing our dopey days. i was awestruck when the bride and groom was sitting on the pedestal, looking ever so happy and proud, in their grand outfits. and it occurred to me that the groom was a friend my age whom i went to school with! somehow, it brought whole rush of thoughts and sentiments to me. of fear and anticipation. you get what i mean. it is indeed a scary prospect.reality check #4 - i am growing old. too fast.

well, that's about it. had along day, lessons from 8-6pm just now. very very pooped to the max. though i did find time to squeeze in a session of soccer with the guys. twas a good workout, though my skills still suck. ok never mind that's a different matter all together. need sleep now. gd nite people.

my reasons to smile

2005-09-09T16:27:00.000+08:00

i finally received enlightenment and figured out how to post pictures down over here. i think. am still trying hard to understand the technicalities and jargon that comes with it though. abit jumbled up. so this will do la for now. so here goes. my belated introduction to my nieces..... aite, gd nite everyoneee.

peek-a-boo!
the look of fearful confidence
the cabbage patch kids and gang
sarah & sabrina
a cheeky innocence belie their appearance

2005-09-04T18:27:00.000+08:00

nothing is more nerve-wracking than riding up to a red-lighted junction, just before entering the expressway, and realising that right beside you is the ROV car waiting there too. and moments just after that, 3 TP bikes rode up alongside mine in the next lane. so there i was, desperately wishing for the light to turn green as quickly as possible. it was just a tad intimidating la. i never rode on the AYE so slowly in my life before.

i gotta say this before my life ends because i never know when that will be. i just wanna say sorry and apologise to all the people out there whom ive ever antagonised and touched a raw nerve before, at any time of my life. ive grown to realise that in this life, we can never please everybody, nor be in tandem with everyone. people are different, and i guess ive stepped on too many toes than i have on myself, often without knowing it, until the damage's done. whatever it is, i offer my apologies. the least i can do i think. to me, life's too short la. better to make the effort to clear my dues before its too late. next up, the difficult part. prayers.

i have an addition to my list of mantras - i shall never get dragged into a blogging war.

life's been pretty rough for the past couple of weeks. on every single front for me. bummer. but somehow, the family never fails to provide that solace and warmth whenever i need it. thank god.

par·a·noi·a (n) :
1. A psychotic disorder characterized by systematized delusions, especially of persecution or grandeur, in the absence of other personality disorders.
2. Extreme, irrational distrust of others.

2005-09-03T19:37:00.000+08:00

again, i seriously do not know whats the deal with you people. please oh please for the love of God please stop thinking so pathetically narrow in perceiving things based on what you think it appears to be. must every single thing i do point to that? sorry to say this, but i have much better things to do aite. you'd probably be the last id even care to bother about. each and everyone of you. and for that matter, none of you are in a position to judge me either. so go figure.

to me, being nice just doesnt pay. ive learnt my lesson.

2005-08-31T15:07:00.000+08:00

one thing ive recently learnt not to do anymore - is to never ever bother to even think of doing anything, for anyone, from whom there's not even the slightest remotest possibility that there would be any form of appreciation nor gratitude. not even when i had meant to do it with the sincerest of intentions, for the interests of everyone at heart. why huh? no point la, coz id just get misunderstood. should have just focussed on doing it right for those that really matter. not that i really care, but it's just disappointing. aah well... whateva.

aniwaes, happy birthday malaysia.

look what you've done

2005-08-28T15:27:00.000+08:00

"Take my photo off the wall
If it just won't sing for you
'Cause all that's left has gone away
And there's nothing there for you to prove

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Give me back my point of view
'Cause I just can't think for you
I can hardly hear you say
What should I do, well you choose

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
A fool of everyone
A fool of everyone

Take my photo off the wall
If it just won't sing for you
'Cause all that's left has gone away
And there's nothing there for you to do

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
A fool of everyone
A fool of everyone"

2005-08-26T15:57:00.000+08:00

spent almost the entire day in school just now. had lectures and a tutorial, starting from 8am lasting all the way till 2pm plus. given the fact that i merely slept for only about 2.5hrs the night before, it was expected that i ended up pooped by that time. efforts to do my readings in the library was constantly interpersed with intermittent snoozing, before i gave up and just took a nap in between.

went to watch Papadum at the UCC in the evening, which was an interesting fusion of dance with hiphop and indian influences. the show was good, albeit a tad expensive for a relatively short duration. the choreography was good, the dancers were good, and the company's good. was bumming around the foyer with the lads after the show when we noticed Caroline Cheong walking by, and the group duly took a photo with her. she was surprisingly pleasant and friendly about it. smiles and all. *thumbs up*

ended the day with a dinner/supper thingy at a coffeeshop in clementi. had murtabak chicken and mutton, plus my customary soda. jokes and laughter were endless and aplenty, quite understandable when one of the guys is a living jukebox who simply cannot stop his yakking. but twas good la. brought life and merriment to everyone.

its amazing how my upbeat public life can be so starkly contrasted with whats going on in my personal experiences. aaah well. what rotten rotten luck. sigh.

2005-08-19T15:27:00.000+08:00

it's now entering two weeks into the new semester, and im starting to feel the fatigue seeping in abit. this is probably because ive been squeezing in as much working slots as possible along with school for the moment, before the tutorials and assignments start to kick in. thank goodness i managed to get all my desired modules and the tutorial slots i balloted for. the only real hassle was during the process of attaining them. my goodness this time around the CORS system cocked up big time, so much so that everything got so dragged each time. im sure my fellow undergrads would attest to that. i dont understand why cant the system administrator foresee the possibility that the server might face an overload, given the fact that since this is the first semester of a new academic year, panicky kancheongness would surely overwhelm people who're new to the whole thingy. dammit the freshies must be the freshies.

aniwaes, my official weekly schooling schedule is already finalised, and is minimised to a grand total of 3 days only - tuesday, wednesday & thursday. lectures and tutorials all. hehehe.. yes yes super long weekends every week. of course it'll be quite packed and exhausting perhaps, but im sure with sufficient sleep and proper nutritioning i might just be able to survive la. aaah well probably wishful thinking, but i'll manage somehow. speaking of which, i should probably at least attempt to do my readings soon, before it starts piling up all over again.

i got good news the other day with regards to work. my pay was increased! it wasnt that much but it's still higher nonetheless. no complains. alhamdulillah.

one thing irks me. throughout my life ive met many people. some close, some acquaintances, some remained, some distanced. im ok with that its all understandable. but what i find remarkable is when people deliberately feigned anonymity and act as if that that is the first time we've ever crossed paths. not that im so hardup for their friendship, i dont need these kinda people in my life anyway. just that i think it reflects alot on the kind of attitude and character that's ingrained in them, when a simple hello or a smile of acknowledgement seems like such a chore. macam so high and mighty like that. hahaha rite. or maybe im not seen as a friend. whatever la huh no loss also.

lastly, ive just heard that Mr Singapore Idol has just been endorsed as the latest ambassador for the anti-smoking campaign. hahahahahahaha.... what an irony.

2005-08-14T16:27:00.000+08:00

the difference between me and you is the fact that i will never chastise the people who matter to me openly in any public domain. period. especially not when some of the claims were made to implicate negativities about those discussed. how disappointing. and somehow, it hurts. ouch.

2005-08-13T16:07:00.000+08:00

i just received news that a grandaunt of mine had passed away, due to illness and old age. we werent that close, but were quite well-acquainted enough with each other, and somehow, when i heard the news, my heart sank. again the uncertainty between life and death was revisited, it comes and goes and hits you without warning. i hate this feeling, this fear i have of losing the ones who matter the most to me. for the fact is, its only when they're gone that you learn to appreciate them. cliche i know, but its true. may God bless her.

on the other hand, on a brighter note, im happy to know also that im gonna be an uncle all over again. my elder sis's expecting her 3rd child, and i cant wait to find out if the baby's another girl, or if it would be a boy this time, to join Sabrina and Sarah. somehow, the kids never fail to brighten up my days la, even when im feeling down or stressed. i find it amazingly therapeutic when i attend to their needs, and its a pleasure for me to find simple joys in cleaning them, feeding them, or even putting them to sleep. nothing beats seeing them contented, and well taken care of. hmmmm, mebbe this is the one thing that i may probably be good at. we'll seee.. haha..

ok am done for now. am tired, and work tomorrow morning. sian. and i miss going out with the gf, hopefully the later part of tomorrow yea? will probably be going down to the esplanade to catch some hiphop thingy there or sumtng i guess.. gd nite.

2005-08-11T14:27:00.000+08:00

ok i realised that i should at least try to update this blog just a teeny bit. i havent been conscientiously doing so partly because i have grown to be lazy, and partly because there's relatively much inactivity that circulates round my social existence, aside from the often-heard ramblings about my work and watnots all. and of course the ever-persistent problems of maintaining a healthy cashflow, and the chronic difficulties of weaving through the complexities of a far-from-utopian relationship.

i feel guilty somewhat, for indulging in a couple of luxuries for myself from my latest pay. got a krumpler bag (finally!), and a pair of levi's jeans (finally!), both of which were aimed months months ago. those 2 items can roughly give you an idea of the total expenditure incurred. yes mebbe i do deserve them after having slogged so hard during the hols, but i still cant help feeling a tad embarrassed at having spent quite a substantial amount on 2 mere items. aaah well.

attended school for the first time today. having not had lessons for 3 months, it was quite hard for the brain to commit full concentration on a sustained basis. i fell asleep midway through the first half of the lecture. well, the lecture was quite dry and boring i must say. thank goodness i can drop it from tomorrow onwards, coz i finally got the SS module that i prefer taking also. phew.

ok now i cant tink of anymore stuff to jot down. hopefully this mental rust will thaw eventually over the semester la. til the next time den.

2005-07-31T15:17:00.000+08:00

i really hate having to handle and engage myself in a verbal joust with unreasonably difficult customers. it kinda leaves me with a really bitter mental aftertaste long after it was over. somehow, i just cannot accept how some people can behave as such. idiots.

2005-07-26T15:27:00.000+08:00

for the 3rd straight post im quoting something from the mass media. this time its from an article in the Sunday Times dated July 24, 2005. here goes.

"Never Ever" - these are some destructive communication patterns that couples should avoid.

1. Summarising Self Syndrome: you restate your position repeatedly, not listening to your partner's point of view.
2. Cross-Complaining: in response to a complaint, you shoot back with another.
3. Kitchen Sinking: dragging in every possible complaint, especially ones unrelated to the original issue.
4. Yes-But: you agree - superficially - before going back to your own position.
5. Mind Reading: you assume you know what your partner thinks, feels and wants and you put it across in a blaming, hurting or accusing way.
6. Insults or Character Assasinations: you resort to sarcasm, name-calling and putdowns.
7. Saying "you always" Or "you never": these statements, which are meant only to hurt, are rarely true.
8. Blaming: you blame your partner for relationship issues.

- source: Centre For Fathering's Beginning Parenting Programme

well, if it helps la for anyone out there. cheers.

whats in a name

2005-07-24T16:27:00.000+08:00

i came across this while reading articles from Soccernet:

"After consultations with the club chairman John Wardle and deputy chairman Bryan Bodek, manager Stuart Pearce decided to send the controversial 22-year-old back to Manchester as a result of his involvement in the incident."

in my mind, thank goodness that the deputy chairman mentioned above wasnt living here. poor chap, what a name. he would have had a torrid time growing up amongst his peers. hahahaha...

2005-07-23T05:27:00.000+08:00

"...train yourself to let go, of everything you fear to lose..."

- master yoda

2005-07-15T16:17:00.000+08:00

note to meself:
- always always bring a jacket/sweater when im riding. especially during cold weather and during the night. it really aint worth risking getting pneumonia for all the thrill it brings to me. brrrrrr....

aniwaes, for the umpteenth time, i came home to the sight of my dad slouched in front of the television tuned into MTV. well sometimes it's the tv that's watching him la. i do not know why, but aside from all the sleaziness and funky music that comes from the channel, i'd just like to think that he's now a much cooler person, and a groovier dad. or mebbe there really isnt anything else to watch. today oasis was on, playing wonderwall. how interesting ya.

choosing modules for this upcoming semester is a chore. kinda difficult to match what interests me, to the ideal kind of weekly timetable and exam schedule that best serves me. ahhh well it just sucks la. oh yea and i think im choosing sociology as my single major from now on. and if my grades behave themselves i might do the honours year too. its a big if for now la. no more history for me, found it less enjoyable in terms of what i learnt as the semesters went on. disillusioned mebbe. if this is the Star Wars i would thus be seen as turning into Sith, so to speak. after years of subscribing to history, i think its time for me to move on. i just hope im doing the right thing la. but then again, Anakin thought so too. hahahaha.. so we'll see..

2005-07-11T04:27:00.000+08:00

i finally caught the Batman Begins film with yan on thursday morning, courtesy of free complimentary passes i conveniently helped myself to from the workplace. started the day way way earlier than we normally would, partly due to the constraint movie timings, and partly to avoid the stinky and noisy schoolkid crowd. twas a good show, has a dark gloomy outlook to it. christian bale somewhat suits the role, and katie holmes looked very much like the sweet girl-next-door you'd wanna bring home to mom. though i think that some areas of the show has room for much more development to make us understand the whole story better. abit patchy ah.

aniwaes, we kinda splurged on ourselves at seoul garden after that. a very rare rare moment indeed. well mebbe not to others but for me patronising such places already is a step up from the normal budget places i frequent to. of course i binged myself on the char siew chicken, and definitely went round after round to the food display area to top up my plate. what i cannot understand though is why the heck is there a service charge totalling up to a freaking 10% when there isnt any form of service provided like what they do in restaurants and whatnots. and the whatever little bit of service that they do provide aint even worthy of such an amount. i think. bloody ripoff. and that was on top of a 5% GST. tsk tsk. well, out of it all, i enjoyed time spent with the missus. very seldom do we get to do stuff like that anymore. may the good times roll ahead more in the future ya.

my saturday was spent working in the morning til late afternoon, before rushing to meet the SA people in Marina. traffic to that area was a killer, because of the NDP rehearsal shit at the Padang. many roads were blocked, thus i had to circle round and round the Bras Basah, Bugis and Beach Rd area umpteenth times before i finally thought of a detour to reach Marina Square. headache man. those present were fadzly, najib, farihah & rizman, shahrizal & zaridah, hasibah, syed faizal, & me. i missed khaidir and SK, for they had to go off earlier. we had fun outwitting each other in bowling, where my rusty skills never failed to fail me when it matters. ended the day them with dinner and sheesha at a Bussorah Street cafe. twas great, meeting them after such a long time, ages perhaps, and catching up on the bits and pieces of each other's lives ever since the last meetup. talked, joked, and criticised like nobody's business. what i find good about it is that despite not having met for so long, the closeness was never lost among us. apparently they wanna make it a monthly thingy. yahahahahaha. abit ambitious me think, but ok we'll see. hahaha.

hope it can be the same with the Swiss fellas. yoohoooooo where are u all?

played court soccer on sunday morning with my new white Puma shoes (after much deliberation and saving up). panchit to the max, and lousy like hell. no form at all. this is no good.

ok dunno what else to blabber about. gonna rest. adios amigos.

2005-07-07T15:57:00.000+08:00

i cant believe how low my tolerance level for pain is. i could hardly withstand the sting felt when i rubbed salt onto my open sore ulcer on the inside of my cheek. yes yes i finally managed to brave myself to do the inevitable after days of enduring the torture. my goodness how unashamedly i yelped and teared trying to fight back the pain. this is sooo weird. i cant stand pain, i fret about injections, i hate the sight of blood, i have heightophobia, etc etc bla bla bla amongst the many peculiarities that plague me. man im such a wuss. (ok that last statement do not require any reiteration from anybody aite).

aniwaes, i am damn damn exhausted from work. due to a series of unfortunate events i was required to fill in and cover for my superior on my off day on monday, which come in between the 5 days of work i had prior to that, and before another 4 days of consecutive work. these means that as of now, i have worked for 8 days straight already. as much as i appreciate the 'rezeki' im granted with, im am kinda pooped and burnt out from doing the same thing nonstop. and to make matters worse, tom would be the 9th and final day. before i get to rest on friday. oooh god bless me.

im looking forward to these, if they do turn out as tentatively planned.

- playing soccer with the guys on sunday morning.
- the videoezy gathering at RV next friday.
- long awaited reunion with the guys from Kris Pusaka 97-99 batch.
- breakfast and a movie with the missus. weeeeeeeee....

ok, i need to sleep now. i guess the fatigue's real bad when i can even start dozing off at the counter. so yea i think i should rest. pardon the lack of interesting updates from me in recent times ya. ciao.

2005-07-03T04:17:00.000+08:00

i hate ulcers. they're painful, ugly, and give your breath a bad stink. aside from from emotional distress, they're the worst kind of trauma anyone could ever face. it's especially terrible when they come in combos, either in pairs or spread all over. and they take the pleasure out of eating. so, do drink up everyone before its .. umm .. too late.

i got a haircut. because im lazy to style/comb it, and because i dont look nice with long hair (or so im told). so it's very short now, and i like it. less of a hassle to bother about, and it's convenient since i wear a helmet often. someone mentioned i look like a chinaman coolie with this dopey look though. grrrr..

after much personal deliberation and thought, public clamouring and support, and irresistable pleas from the dearly beloved, i have come to a conclusion to give myself a much deserved break before the new term starts. just a simple getaway, nothing too fancy, and nothing too expensive (remember, budget is still key here). but no doubt im sure the fun will still be there. most probably it'll be in late july or early august i guess.

i need to do these things:

1. service my bike
2. pay my bills
3. get a new pair of jeans
4. go out with friends
5. clean my room
6. get back my boots from sabri
7. update this page more often
8. spend more time with the missus
9. stop working too much
10. stop whining.

2005-06-27T15:07:00.000+08:00

maybe i did overreact, but i certainly do not like it when one's wrongs are made to seem like they're mine. tsk tsk. *wags finger*

aniwaes, worked almost a full shift today. did opening at tiong bahru before heading to jelita to do closing. it's been a while since i worked there, so it was kind of an endearing feeling when a middle-aged couple recognised me from having worked there ages ago. they asked me how i've been, and where i've been gone to. so i replied by asking how did they recognised me and all, and they mentioned that i had served them many times before, thus they could easily remember me. well, i hope that implied an indication that i did serve them well enough to stick in their memories i guess. haha.. out of it all, it was a nice surprise la to me, for their little gesture demonstrated a form of recognition to us workers in the store. customers like these make my day. not the nasty ones though. aplenty out there, especially the ones with the thick fat wallets coupled with a stinking ya-ya attitude.

im in a wee bit of a dilemma. should i go for a holiday getaway, or attempt to go for my class 2A licence? its one or the other, due to my infinitely limited funds, and im quite torn in between. how aye..?

2005-06-25T15:47:00.000+08:00

in no random order, these things worry me:

1. the amount and consistency in which i eat.

2. how i still remain thin in spite of that. i cant seem to put on weight.

3. my lack of savings. what i earn is what i spend.

4. how i dont look my age. some people think im still in my late teens.

5. the increasing distance i have with my used-to-be-close friends.

6. understanding what goes on in the missus' mind.

7. my room being in a stage of perpetual mess.

8. my lack of piousness. 5 times a day just seems so difficult.

9. what to do after i graduate. teaching? police? private sector?

10. manchester united being a spent force.

2005-06-16T13:17:00.000+08:00

i heard this somewhere...

"the best intentions are the ones fraught with disappointment".

how apt.

2005-06-14T15:27:00.000+08:00

it's about time that i update this blog of mine. i have been busy, and too caught up with work. my creative juices arent flowing anymore, just dont have any idea of what to blog or muse about. kinda realise that my life's pretty mundane, centrally revolving around the same old basic stuffs which tend to keep appearing each time i type. im fascinated by people who can write seriously good articles, which makes the mind think, and not just ramblings of the sort that im guilty of myself. should check this fella's page out, alfian saat. especially his earlier postings. simply brilliant.

alfian.diaryland.com

aniwaes, there was finally closure on the traffic summons that i got last january. was told to report to the TP HQ at Ubi Avenue for an interview in order to discuss and settle the matter. turnt out to be not much of an interview. the officer kept stating and reiterating that speeding and accelerating is only when necessary, thus implying that i was wrong. the fine was reduced to 150 bucks instead, and my demerit points 6. whatever la not much of a difference to me. i still ended up broke, about 2 week's worth of pay down the drain. whole thingy was just a wayang formality it seems. grr.

people are going for holidays and im slogging to survive. i envy them. i really do. despite the fact that im able to live comfortably, there's never room for excesses or indulgence. whatever luxuries i have is such as my bike and laptop is largely due to savings, necessity, and luck. comes to mind the plight of my parents, how they have worked hard for ages, yet still can barely afford to ease up at this late stage of their lives. i showed my dad my recent results, and he commented,

dad: ah bagus pass. kau baik belajar betul-betul, jadi hidup senang. nak jadi macam abah kerja siang malam jaga pintu?
(good you passed. you better study hard, get a better life. wanna be like me work day & night in security?)

somehow, what he said stumped me. i seriously dont know what he meant by that, and whether it was a congratulatory remark or a cynical reminder. but im proud of him, for all the hardship he went through. deep down, it made me more determined to try and provide my parents with a good retirement as soon as i can. hopefully la ya.

i met rennie iskandar at west coast hawker centre the other day by chance. twas a nice surprise, bumping into an old pal. still as fit looking as ever. apparently he's now working at OBS. cool stuff.

ok, shall end here for now. am tired, need rest. take care people.

2005-06-06T17:27:00.000+08:00

indeed, the female psyche is more tormentingly bewildering than the male ego. i think.

2005-06-04T15:47:00.000+08:00

these past few nights have seen me indulging in nissin cup noodles after coming back home late from work, in order to satisfy my everpresent appetite. that's the only option i pretty much have, since by the time i reach home there's barely any decent food left in the kitchen. this aint good for me i think, especially the MSG intake which will only increase the rate at which im gonna grow bald. thats the last thing i need what with the traces of nicotine that's already sporadically dispersed in my system. man i really am turning way way unhealthy. errmm.. help?

phew

2005-06-02T16:27:00.000+08:00

alhamdulillah..with the grace of god i managed to clear all my modules. yes even that sucky science breadth. albeit barely. but whatever it is, im thankful. one less worry for me. hope everyone out there did at least fine, if not well. dont be too depressed if it aint the results that was hoped for la, life still has to go on and there's still time to recover the lost ground. things will come good.

i hate being torn into a moral dilemma. one way or the other i'd lose out somehow. what a headache.

its been a loooong week...

2005-05-28T17:17:00.000+08:00

i found out that working 5 days in a row straight is not really a good idea. im left exhausted each night when i go home, and wakes up shagged to the max the next morning. miss the days when i could sleep in and wake up like in midday, and i kinda hate the feeling of snooziness and laziness while rolling around in bed each morning pondering why wasnt i born rich. work was alright though thankfully. nobody actually really patronise the store that early, so the earlier part of my shifts were spent watching the entire season 6 of friends. yes i did manage to do that. only busy periods were during the later part of the day, when school kids come in all stinky in their uniform hoping to see what the shop is all about, and the office crowd people. kinda getting used to the tiong bahru branch, its good that there's the mall right across the road. going for meal breaks allow me the option of the many fast food restaurants in it, which is great. haha. apart from that i dread the long hours standing at the counter hoping for time to pass by faster, and the fact that the lingua franca commonly used in the area is something which is alien to me. even when im spoken to. how rude is that. whatever la huh.

highlight of the week at work is the surprise visit by yan and her mamasitas gang out of nowhere on monday. turned out that they wanted to catch some movie and ice cream and bum at shrek's place. so happened that they were in the vicinity of the area and thus decided to drop by and contribute to the business. but weak la the choice of movies they made, which were a couple of teen flicks. mebbe its some bonding thingy i guess. hmmm... whatever that works for them la. hehe.

going for dikir practice again on thursday was also a welcomed relief, something quite different from the mundaneness of work. twas fun hanging out with the guys, taking the crap out of each other and engaging in verbally demeaning jokes at the same time. what else do guys do when they meet up but to make fun of the resident butt of the group, whoever the poor bloke is. but great la, pure clean fun with no harm done. hope the eventual show would be a success.

on friday late nite i embarked on my virgin trip into johore on my bike, finally. twas a hell of an experience. man, if you can drive or ride in johore then i believe you can do that in singapore with your eyes closed. bikes rule the roads there, and traffic conditions make it seem that whatever we learnt back in driving school were total bollocks. and the roads were filled with countless potholes everywhere. goodness me what a trauma it caused my buddies down under. aniwaes, went with my cousin hakim who's been there lotsa times and can be deemed quite a pro already la. pumped some petrol, though i was quite disappointed that i got only RM$7.04's worth while he was able to reach about RM$15. amazing. mebbe next time i'll learn to maximise the savings i can get from there la. made it a fast game and was back home by about 2am.

aside from all that, the week's been quite a torture. hope the weekend will be better. time to destress. hopefully with the missus la. afterall, its been 7 months already. pretty fast aye.. *grin*

oh, and of course, the week will never be complete without a single wrong. so i wonder, what is it this time?

2005-05-24T08:07:00.000+08:00

i just realised that my last post was kinda ambiguously scandalous. to make my stance clear and clarify myself, i am not like that. i remain totally commited to my gf, am happy with her, and will continue to remain so for as long as it is possibly viable, 'ceterus parabus'. guess i just got too caught up with putting my rambling thoughts into words without actualy considering the sensitivities of the blog entry. sooo..to those who have misconstrued the contents, please unravel and delete those perceptions that you have ya. to those who still choose to disbelieve and question my values, hahaha.. too bad. i dont really care. your thoughts dont make me.

the day was good. had 'dikir barat' practice around 2pm for some upcoming show thingy. am getting myself involved in it coz im doing it kind of like a favour for friends, and also in some ways to get myself reacquainted to an old interest i used to have. was quite rusty and stiff at the initial stages, for its been ages since i last performed and participated with jurong institute's 'keris pusaka'. the practise felt good though, and hopefully we'll get the hang of everything soon. what with all the lyrics and hand movements to synchronise all.

met up with yan after that. ate at banquet jurong point for dinner, before heading to town to bum. as always our day veered from peaceful to volatile before subsiding back to a happy ending again. hahaha. we're weird like that. but tight no matter what. we decided to stay out late for once, coming up with lame 'supper' excuses to our respective moms in order to have that extra time together. hahaha. hey hey which one of you out there never do that before yea... aniwaes.. talked about lotsa stuff, stories, gossips, info, while laced with the occasional bicker and disagreement. finaly ended the day at 3am plus by going to west coast macs to really get our food, with both of us feeling so hungry after the last meal we had at banquet. no time to sit down and eat because of the ungodly hour, so we ordered takeaway to eat when we're both home sweet home. wont be seeing her again til in about 4-5 days time, so i guess the time spent for the day was much treasured and appreciated la. *thumbs up*

work again tomorrow, and for the next 5 days. shucks. how boring.

ok, am tired and sleepy now, what with the tummy contented with the mcspicy double burger i just ate. good nite people.

2005-05-22T16:57:00.000+08:00

i just found out how unfun handing out flyers and freebies to the public is. had to do that on friday while helping out with the opening of the new branch at tiong bahru. saw how much singaporeans lack in graciousness and simple pure courtesy. plus the long hours i stood in front of the mrt exit, felt kinda dumb sia. doesnt help by the fact that i was kinda in the middle of the public eye, which i hate to be in. again, for the money, just had to endure and thicken my skin abit.

had a tiring day on saturday also because my cousin's wedding. i went there all dressed smartly and all, and ended up typically folding my jeans, changing into a simple -tshirt, and getting my hands dirty scrubbing plates and dishes and big pots and pans in the makeshift kitchen in the void deck. been doing this for ages since i could remember, along with my fellow guy cousins around my age, since we all kinda grew up together. i wonder when will the time come when we could retire from such roles and just attend weddings to sit on chairs and bum around like the pakciks and makciks catching all the glamour with the blings blings and indulging in endless chatter and order kids around. what with all the music blasting and hustle and bustle atmosphere common to a malay gathering or wedding. basically by automatic default all relatives of the wedded would be expected to contribute to the labour needed for such a grand scale occasion. not that i mind. just the fatigue that will set in the next day that's not looked forward to. its funny how you'll end up meeting or seeing people you never knew were related to you, and when introduced they'd go like "wah grow so big already when's your turn to get married." ummmm, not yet? of course there were plus points too. the eye candy was definitely there - invited guests, 2nd cousins from the other side, friends of bride/ groom, daughters of pakciks & makciks who you dunno how your connected to, etc etc. it kinda kept the engine going when you're sweating hard trying to clean the soot from the humongously big 'periuk' that were used to cook all the lauk and gravy and watnots. and the catching up and gossiping among us cousins who only get to see each other in like once every .. ummm.. big family occasion.

oh, and i really think that girls tend to look very nice and sweet when in the baju kurung. mebbe they should wear them more often la. seriously. there's just something mystifyingly appealing about that attire.

i just watched american beauty. belatedly. all i can say is, its a darn good show. lazy to elaborate la.

dammit how unlucky can man utd get? sometimes, being the better team on the day is of no use when you have no luck. look how scared shit assene wenger was when the match was going on. and they ended up going home with the FA cup. what a total bummer.

am not gonna be seeing the missus for the whole of next week's weekdays due to work. how sad is that. would not have wanted it if i could help it though. sigh.. hopefully we'll get to do something before then la.

2005-05-19T04:27:00.000+08:00

relationships are tough, lotsa ups and downs, but i think that once you've hit the right formula, the efforts and sacrifices would have been worth the while i guess. there's always light at the end of the tunnel, but its going through that tunnel that's the difficult part. and its always easy to choose the side exits that are available along the course of that route, but what makes one sure that those easy exits are the correct paths to take? my belief is, to hold your head down, take a deep breath, have faith, and take the plunge. afterall, we chose to embark down that tunnel in the first place yea.

*ponders*

in the mood to reminisce..

2005-05-18T17:47:00.000+08:00

i miss (in no particular order) ..

- my 'geylang serai gang' from secondary school. elf, sham lipas, erwin, mahadi, fik s/o samy, firdaus step, anis, willy. the innocence, the pranks/jokes, the growing up.

- the 3 months i had in Jurong Institute in jan-mar 1999. best education ever.

- the SA Malay people in my 99-00 batch.

- playing rugby.

- my NS pay. shiok sia.

- my fitness. and the capacity to run.

- sunday soccer.

- the old skool cartoons like transformers & visionaries.

- my once-toned physique. esp after BMT.

- the sugar cane juice in the old Taman Jurong market. best i've ever tasted.

- relief teaching. the money, the working hours, the experience.

- pegasus company in tekong.

- my loved ones who have gone before me.

- the gf. every day.

- playing Lego.

- taking public transport.

- my primary school kakis.

- the modules i took in semester 1 year 1. interesting & chicken dodol man.

- spending more time with the family.

- going for gigs.

- etc etc plus many more.

this list is by no means conclusive. just random ones that come to mind. sometimes i wish there was time travel, so that i could probably live through the experiences again. just for the fun of it. hahaha... how cool would that be. mite include more of them if i happen to think of any later on la.. cheerios.

2005-05-17T14:27:00.000+08:00

finally managed to catch the Kingdom of Heaven. found it fairly alrite, nothing wow or that outstanding to it. plot-wise abit skimpy, would have been great if there was more focus on the crusades and jihad itself. for once islam was given quite a credible portrayal in the film, quite unlike the typical negative image most hollywood films give about muslims, arabs and anything from the middle east.

my next most-looked-forward-to movie is the upcoming final Star Wars instalment. yes yes for those unaware, i am quite a geek when comes to this. am trying to source for fellow fans to come watch it with me, though i'd probably be catching it 2-3 weeks after the release. kinda wanna avoid the crowd in a way la. hehe.. so anyone interested do ring me up aite..

hmm..tink i kinda misplaced my "angela's ashes" book. not too sure if ive loaned it out to anyone or not, cant seem to remember la. hope ive not lost it, for i loved the story so much..if it's being held on by anyone out there, do return it to me yea?

working at jelita last sunday brought me back memories i had when i first covered shift there last year. non-stop human traffic, difficult customers, rowdy rich kids, having to eat at the stairways due to absence of a proper store, enduring the mentel (cheeky) stares of the cashier-minahs at cold storage, etc etc.. was left darn exhausted at the end of work that day. but for money, i'll endure all that. *grits teeth*

hmm.. things havnt exactly been that smooth of late. i dunno why, but i certainly hope it works out fine.

"My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why
I got out of bed at all
the morning rain clouds up my window
and I can't see at all
And even if I could it'd all be grey,
but your picture on my wall
it reminds me that it's not so bad
it's not so bad..."

2005-05-15T17:10:00.000+08:00

realised that i was kinda all curse-y in my language about 2 postings ago. which i feel hinges along the parameters of harshness, and rudeness at the sametime. afterall, this is a family-friendly page (or at least i try to make it to be). so to readers who were offended, taken aback, shocked, displeased, or peeved on the strong inferences made by me to a particular female anatomy, i apologise. shall filter what i say next time aite..

had a good day with the missus today. picked her up after her work, got my complimentary frappucino again. hehe... been awhile since we bummed around and walked around town/orchard, though nothing much different from the standard stuff that can be done in singapore. eating, window-shopping, people-watching, gossiping etc etc. seriously, this country is darn darn boring. and for whatever there is that arent boring, they'd be expensive. its especially taxing on people like me/us who live on a shoestring budget.

the weather's rainy tonite. sleeping would be a blast. gd nite!

2005-05-14T17:27:00.000+08:00

fatigue from incessant work + disappointing news + hunger = shittified end to the day

sigh.

2005-05-14T03:37:00.000+08:00

it saddens me to see the state in which the Red Devils are now in, no longer imposing fear into the opponents and losing that ability to beat teams with relative ease. the swashbuckling attack and cavalier wingplay is missing, and they are now so defensive in nature and short in ideas when comes to breaking defences. what is wrong with you fergie?? tactics all koyak man..look at what mr. jose cockrinho and assene wenger is doing.. attack la attack.. even senor benitez is doing wonders at liverpool, amazing at how they matched millwall's 2004 achievement in reaching a major cup final. i miss the heydays of the 90s when man utd was in their prime. watching soccer was simply sheer joy. now watching man utd play is reminiscient to watching the singapore team play during the post-msia-cup, pre-casmir agu days.. utter heart pain.

my pay from last month was apparently over-calculated by 45 bucks. means i gotta return the amount to the fella who actually deserved it. damn. and all along ive been jollying like nobody's business. wat a cockup. those people in the finance department should bloody wake up their ideas man. cause inconvenience only, while getting big fat salaries doing a 5-day 8-5 job. and still cant get it done right. tsk tsk..

whats worse is that circumstances at work aint getting any better either. my work commitment has been questioned, which i feel was an unfair judgment made by someone who had barely seen what ive contributed all along, and im getting much lesser slots/hours due to the appointment of a new partimer. its a sucky feeling to be marginalised when despite me being a relatively seasoned worker, i get looked over in favour of the newbie in terms of working hours, which equals money. not only that, the stipulated hours ive already gotten keep getting revised without me getting informed way beforehand. cheebye sia. and there is even a tentative possibility put forth to me that i may get sent to another branch under this wicked witch of a supervisor to be reeducated and corrected in my ways. another cheebye sia. all these are pretty disappointing to me, having come from a colleague who i thought had known me well enough wayyyy before his promotion, resulting in such a jerkified reaction in him. triple cheebye man..

on a lighter note... hmmmmmm.. ah well there's none...

2005-05-10T13:20:00.000+08:00

on the days that i dont hafta work, its been real bliss these days to have the luxury of waking up late without any sense of guilt nor regret. on average, i'd only be up and about only from noon onwards. haha.. and its especially great when the weather was like all rainy and cooling as the most recent sunday. shiok man..

somehow my pay from last month is depleting pretty fast. sigh. i know i should start saving up, but sometimes the expenses are just so unavoidable and necessary. 10 dollars these days can barely last for one day's worth of consumption. i worry how much higher the cost of living would rise up to eventually. one example, bus fares are supposedly going to be increased. which i wonder what the heck for also. i remember one report quite a while back stating how bus companies are worried when they experienced a percentage decrease on profits. hmmm... doesnt that mean that they are actually still enjoying profits and making money out of the public? so what makes them so worried? i dont have all the answers to that, but as each day passes, im somehow starting to get disiilusioned with life in singapore. as i read and observe and think, i realise that behind all these bright images of a meritocratic and fair and prosperous society that we have, its all diplomatic mumbo jumbo and bullshit. just look around, and if you pause for a moment and observe hard enough, i think its clear for all to see the loopholes and cracks that this country is afflicted with.

i realise that im starting to be more critical lately. i also dunno why though.

aniwaes, happy belated mothers' day to all mothers out there.

2005-05-07T16:07:00.000+08:00

been working for the past 3 days, kinda getting back the hang of spending the day away at the shop and going back way late after closing. its quite tiring, coz ive been putting in more attention and effort at work, unlike during term time when my mind's more focused on essays, readings and assignments. really need to earn and save the cash, am pretty worried for the upcoming bike insurance renewal in september. plus am hoping that i'll earn enough to go for some holiday fun too.

aniwaes had a break today, and went cycling at east coast with the missus. twas nice with all the cooling weather leftover from the morning/noon rain. though i kinda spoilt the day abit by causing yan to have a minor accident while cycling. me, being the unwise prankster, was trying to scare her the novice cyclist by swerving in and out of her path. yes warped sense of fun i know but that's me. despite her pleas not to do so, i happily continued doing so until the point when her bicycle crashed into my front wheel. this caused panic, and left her trailing her right foot along the track. ouchh. end result was a stubbed bleeding big toe, and a couple of scratches/cuts near the metatarsal. ouchh again. yes i know it was vicious of me, and i felt bad for causing it to happen. im very sorry, for the inconvenience of pain, especially the stinging feeling when it gets in contact with water. please forgive my insolence yaaa... that aside, the outing was good. ate at komalas after the session, and ended the day with ice cream from mcdonalds.

i also took the time to watch "eternal sunshine of the spotless mind", starring jim carrey. its about the erasure of memory, and the selectivity of one choosing what he wishes to remember. underneath it there's also an underlying theme of a real sweet love story. you fellas should go check it out. another good movie that i managed to catch while at work (one of the perks..hehe) was 'hotel rwanda", which is based on a true story of the conflict between the hutu & tutsi ethnicities in the strife-torn african nation, and the kind gentleman who bravely took refugees fron both sides under his care in the hotel that he owned. a very sad, very depressing, but very enlightening story indeed.

the other day i heard something said on tv, by some minister or some government authority, which if i remember correctly sounds something like "...we are serious about being fun...". in my mind, i find it quite depressingly sad for it to come to a point where our leaders have to declare officially that they are actually serious in having fun. where's the logic in that? and for them to think that by legislating what funness is all about, it will make this country more appealing to the rest of the world? hahaha what a sad sad i idea i feel. the problem with this place i think is that it tries too hard to conform to preconceived notions of what modernity is all about. simply put, to them westernization = modernisation. look at the issue of the resort thingy. what a joke.

ok i think ive said enough for the night. gotta rest, work again tomorrow. cheerios..

no more nescafe & mopiko...

2005-05-02T18:07:00.000+08:00

wokie im back, after the short self-imposed hiatus away due to the darn exams. its finally over, now comes the start of the 3 months plus plus worth of slacking, rotting, sleeping and waking up late, and watnots. not that ive not been indulging in them all along, but this time it'll be without the guilt nor worry. haha. though the expected euphoria of ending the exams didnt exactly materialise, the atmosphere's somewhat muted. the anticipation while looking forward to it was more of a bigger hoohaa than the actual end i feel.

here's a post-mortem of the papers i had:

1. history of malay world - tough demoralising start to the exams. the joy and fun of the module didnt exactly translate into the questions that were asked. bummer.

2. sociology of deviance - was very panicky abt this one. and the paper was kinda tricky. though somehow i came out of it feeling relieved. not because i was happy with my answers, but rather the fact that its finally out of the way.

3. history of colonial indochina - started studying for this only the day before, and without even doing the thickest pile of readings ive ever encountered. again, panicked like hell but it being an open-book paper kinda helped abit.

4. evaluating claims related to health - the module with one of the skimpiest amount of notes to revise, but the information loaded into them just doesnt help much at all. think i answered more arty than as sciency as it should. strongly unrecommended for those without any biology background. which i didnt exactly have myself.

5. social thought and theory - half the time my mind was thinking and theorizing about the stuff i can do socially AFTER the paper. was too bochap already, being the last paper. guess i kinda just went through the motions.

well basically thats about it. have a gut feeling that my CAP's probably gonna drop, and am kinda mentally preparing myself to take 6 modules next semester. that science module just give me the creeps man. aaaargh wat the fark.

aniwaes, whats done is done. and its all about fun now... hurrray!

2005-04-22T14:15:00.000+08:00

i turned 23 today. another year older, another year wiser i hope. its getting to me, the fear of having to really really grow up now, be all independent and mature, and start thinking of what im gonna do for my future, savings, and stuff like that. issues that an adult should be concerned about. hopefully, i'll get the hang of it soon. seems like only recently that i was sitting for my psle, fretting over my O-lvls, and being disappointed with my A-lvls. if all goes well i'll be graduating in a year's time, and venturing into the real world. in a way, its kinda happening a wee bit too fast for me i tink. *shudder*

spent the day in school though, no fancy celebration or partying. had to mug for the darn upcoming exams. mood was relatively neutral and resigned at first. however was greatly cheered up by a wonderful surprise which yan sprang on me later on in the afternoon, by providing me with presents, when i seriously wasnt expecting any, considering the fact that i understand that she's also having similarly tight finances as me. not that im complaining, in fact im very very happy with the stuff she got me. hehe. but im very touched by the gesture and sacrifices i found out she made to get me those items. mind you, im not at all a materialist. its just a great bonus la to be getting presents, and i really appreciate her efforts. its very heartwearming indeed, despite the conflicts and differences we go through and all. thank u very much my dear yan. *hugs*

to all the people who remembered and wished me a happy birthday, i salute you all and thank you for the wishes. in one way or the other, its a pleasure having known and have you fellas in my life. doesnt matter the fact that we may never be close or tight, ive always have this belief that there is always a reason for all people that i meet in my lifetime. be it significant, or just an acquaintance. thank you again. cheers!

2005-04-20T15:47:00.000+08:00

exams start this saturday, and ive just started revision. which actually means im just starting to catch up on all the readings that have not been done yet. am worried about the stuff to cover for deviance, social thought, and those for indochina. not only is there quite a pile left undone, they are pretty complex too! just need to persevere abit more i guess. cant wait for the semester to end. 3 months holidays man 3 months. that in itself is a motivation. and im sure my sentiments are shared by many too. haha.

went to yan's niece's birthday celebration cum mini-bbq last saturday, and met the whole family. plus a few more auxillary aunts and uncle who were there too. nervous and reluctant as i was, i couldnt really turn the invitation down. not nice to do so yea, its only polite to accept the invite i guess. aniwaes, you can imagine how awkwardly kancheong i was throughout the night. so scared to say or behave in a way that would misguide their first impressions of me. but i hope i did okay. they were hospitable enough, though there were quite stumping moments when i had to engage in small talk with her parents, especially the dad. dads are always fearsome. they just have this aura la. but her 1st sis and hubby are pretty chummy with me already. which is great i think. never hurts to have support from within. =)

finally got the last essay done. pretty much a good piece of intellectual crapping i feel, not that sciency as it should i think. did it all the way through sunday nite til monday early morning. feels good to get it out of the way. can direct my energies to the exams now. and praying for it. haha. continued the rest of monday by staying back in school to get some readings done before heading home after catching desperate housewives on the nus webcast. did the crazy thing of washing my bike in the middle of the night (it seriously needed to be cleaned) underneath the block til like about 1.30am before ending heading up. fatigue overwhelmed and i concussed soon after. not before giving myself some washing up too of course.

spent today in campus with imah, mariam punk rock & yan revising and fighting mosquitoes. wasted hours trying to comprehend some indigestible readings which, unsurprisingly, ive already forgotten by now. aaah well. the company's good though.good mix of fun and seriousness. pretty tired now, will head to the bed soon. shall try those darn readings again tomorrow la...

2005-04-17T04:11:00.000+08:00

of all the worst things that could happen to me, i dropped my laptop. from a benchtop height. dammit. happened last thursday night when overnighting in school with yan. was sliding my bag across the bench to create space without realising that the laptop was right at the edge. fell smack to the floor with a loud bang/thud. perhaps luckily it landed flat horizontally, lessening potential damage. when i checked the keypads were somewhat tilted upwards, the airport misplaced, and there was these funny whirring sound when booting up. a few hours later of panicky self-servicing and multiple retesting, the system seemed ok. thank gdness. hopefully there's no longterm internal damage.

that aside, i was able to complete quite abit of readings. went home friday morning at 8plus. after reporting strength to the missus to say that i safely rode home, i concussed immediately all the way till 3-4pm in the afternoon. missed my prayers because of that though. night was spent picking yan up from her shopping (tsk tsk!) in town, and having dinner with her, wan, faz and mariam punk rock at cineleisure.

am sore about having to give this year's rugby sevens a miss. coz of the stupidly late project i hafta hand up on monday. which i still have not started on. been going to the event every year thanks to my cousin who works at the sports council. haha. free grandstand tixs each time man. hopefully can get to go for next year's if its held here again. so sports/rugby fans, do get chummy with me pretty early if you want them tixs aite. haha.

weather starting to get all wet again. boring la. the only thing great to do in it is to sleep. lazy to the maxxxxxxxx...

2005-04-12T17:37:00.000+08:00

been quite a sucky day. bad start to it made worse by a poor ending. i just wanna bury myself sometimes. in my pillows. and sleep my sorrows and fatigue away.

today i was asked how do i envisage myself to be in 5 years time. somehow, that question set me off thinking real worryingly. coz that would make me 28 years old. yikes. at that age im expected to be working and supporting myself already. living independently, with my own responsibilities. it made me feel scared, in some ways. coz that age is actually not that too far away. problem is though im already 23 this year, i still feel like im barely entering my 20s. think if i walk down orchard road i can still even pass off as one of those late teens kids. i dont think i look my age, nor do i feel so mature and ready to face the challenges of life ahead, which are coming sooner then it actually is. i wonder how i'll turn out.

aniwaes, its funny how when i typed "breasts" in the NUS library search engine, the results that came out were all on books about the bible and some other christian stuffs all. haha. what irony. btw, i was trying to find books/materials for my last assignment for that stupid science module. am thinking of doing on claims about breast enhancements. pretty ummm interesting topic. oh, and i failed the CA for that mod miserably, which carries a 35% weightage for the finals. got a mere 36 out of 100. im so totally screwed. gulp.

tired. shall sleep now.

2005-04-12T02:57:00.000+08:00

took a mental break over the weekend, after some last minute hard-thinking again for that malay history essay. indulged myself in a couple of indie/arthouse foreign films that ive been wanting catch. first up was "the city of god", which talked about the slums of brazil and the way drugs and violence gripped the society, through the eyes of real kid who grew up in it. one if the best films ive ever watched, in terms of storyline, cinematography, and sequencing. the other one was "the motorcycle diaries", which talked about the travels of ernesto "che" guevara, who later became more popularly known for his work during in the Cuban revolution. it was through these travels that he saw the disparities and inequalities that existed throughout the south american continent that made him attracted to the revolutionary ideals of communism. ok all this sound like some film review. haha. well basically the fact is i thoroughly enjoyed watching them, and i'd highly recommend them to anyone who loves such unconventional and non mainstream art. seriously wonderful.

that pleasure aside, im tired. tired of school. tired of not getting enough sleep everytime. tired of not having the enough money ever. tired of having to work when kids these days spend like nobody's business. tired of essays. tired of getting picked on. tired of giving in when it seems to be the only peaceful way to solve things. tired of getting misunderstood. tired of trying to fix my unstylable hair. tired of this pain in my back. tired la just tired. for once i wannabe king. have everything going my way for once. money, luck, bliss.

que sera sera.

2005-04-07T05:11:00.000+08:00

the Boh Hua Qu asam masin (preserved fruits) from the nus coop is the bomb. damn nice sia. though i dont even know what fruit it is preserved from. comes in this clear plastic with green white and white trimmings, and red letterings. even beats the Mor Far Kor brandname which ive been so in love with. mmm mmm mmm

2005-04-07T00:35:00.000+08:00

aargh its that time of the semester where laziness no longer is an ailment but has rather become quite a disease. missed by 8am indochina tutorial today coz i took too long contemplating whether or not to go for it. rolled around in bed for ages before i finally decided to and my departure for school was set back some more by my daily morning regime. got out of my house after i was satisfied with the way i look and finally reached campus at at 8.25am. shite. didnt wanna come barging into the classroom like some ghetto superstar with a bad hair day made worse by the bledy helmet. so here i am updating my blog.

i hate this sickly feeling that has been bugging me for days. rather be sick bedridden than be feeling weak-jointed and throaty all day. been taking lotsa fluids in an attempt to cleanse the system but i guess having them carbonated may not really help. haha. and the normally dependable yellow decolgen flu tablet i usually take has failed me this time also. sucky la sucky.

my ankle and calf is getting better thanks to my mom's expert massaging techniques. think i can already walk as a normal as a person should with no more funny-looking limps and whatnots.

i am now so motivated to go on and take my class 2a licence soon. when i can spare the cash. interactions with fellow upgraders have made me realise the innate love i have for performance bikes i never knew i had. tried riding an XR4 scrambler yesterday and oh my the sound of the revs is quite orgasmic. and the pickup burst was quite a thrill. will probably aim for a Super4 bike if god wills my wishes to be. though id still be quite sad to let go of my trusty phantom cruiser, which have served me well so far. we'll see.

i have a few gripes that has set me questioning.

1. why cant some guys, just pee straight? i hate it when entering the cubicle only to see that it is peppered with streaks of wayward pee all around the toilet bowl or the seat cover. disgusting la. and please at least try to flush la assholes.

2, whats it with people dilly dallying taking their own sweet time to cross the road aye? especially when they can obviously see and hear that there ARE vehicles coming towards them. and expect the cars and bikes to slow down in anticipation of them and hope they clear the road before we reach their spot. and these happening on major roads mind u. with these fellas jaywalking. fark and when pedestrians do get into accidents first party they look for is the motorist. *undecipherable expletive*

3. i am anti-cars too. abit. mebbe coz i cant drive one yet. whats with bloody drivers who like to tailgate close to bikes huh. with the intent to intimidate aye. bledy hell why cant they just overtake if need be. my favourite counter to these idiots is to intermittently slow down and brake every now and then. picture a person in front of you walking and stopping every 5 steps he take. makes you not want to be kissing his butt right? haha.

i believe all these stems from the fact that singapore is just not a gracious nor civil enough society. i have more to say whine about next time. gotta get ready to go for my deviance tutorial now. wont wanna be missing that one too. *grin*

2005-04-04T15:43:00.000+08:00

been busy with essays. left with 2 more, one for malay history and the other a science breadth project which i have no idea on what to do on. and im damn lagging in readings, and revision. feeling the strain. pretty weak lately.

my body is not in the most tip top condition right now. my right ankle's crocked. got a kick/knock during the last match for the interfaculty games. cant run now, and abit uncomfy to walk. think the bone is bruised or sumting. hope nothing's chipped inside. my knee is scrapped too, albeit slightly. got it from a tackle i made. ouch. the ground was hard ah. and i also kinda pulled my left calf while sprinting. the lack of fitness and proper conditioning is really taking quite a toll. this wouldnt have been if it was like 3-4 years ago. haha.

been inflicted with a sore throat too, which is slowly manifesting itself into abit of a funny funny sickly feeling all over me. think it started from the highly saturated home-made sheesha conconction yan's bro-in-law offered me. the cappucino flavour had a dizzying marlboro red effect, while the other grape flavoured one smelled like frangipani. weird la. must have been unfiltered to the max man. i could barely handle it. woozy through the night.

am real broke. no joke. shucks. cant wait for the hols to work my socks off earn some dough.

i need more sleep...