crash test dummy

today it felt like as though i had just been steamrollered by a monster truck. dang it was darn painful. wished that it was all real though, rather not be alive right now. somehow everything just deflated. shittified i must say. they said that pride comes before a fall. i fell, but where was my pride? mebbe there was, but perhaps i was too caught up with stuff to be mellow about it. thought i had it all. but turns out i had nothing at all. yet. or never will. aahh well.

dun bother understanding what's written above. i dun quite understand everything either.

4th month today. congratulations.

upped the ante..

this semester's the most unproductive one for me so far. my readings are way way lagging. and upcoming project and essay deadlines are right around the corner, and i've barely opened some of the files for them in the workbins. dang im so screwed. been getting lazier by the minute. sheesh.

the weather smells funny these days, like its been hazy or something. has this burnt tinge to it. making my nose & throat all cranky. been super hot too. each time i ride my tan just gets darker. now my body is kinda umm two-toned in way. eeek.

sarah has started standing and climbing and reaching for all the places she can. her appearance deceives many, looking all wide-eyed and smiley and quiet, but she has this silent mischievous streak in her. unlike sabrina who's more boisterous and outspoken. cute la cute.

my bike needs a new horn. the current one sounds stunted, pancit. at times it doesnt sound at all. will probably get it fixed with an airhorn once the money's there.

been working almost the whole of this supposed mid-term break. pooped to the max.

this weekend's our 4th month together. how time flies. though short it may seem to some. life couldnt be more fulfiled with her around, despites the usual misgivings. been great, definitely. was told that her sis & bro-in-law would like to meet me and go sheesha together. stunned when i gotta know about it. confirmed will be damn awkward and panicky in the initial moments. aaah well gotta brace myself up for it. gotta start somewhere i guess, eventually. sooner or later yea. hehe. breathe breathe breathe...

did i mention that i miss her? well i do. lots.

bullet with butterfly wings..

"The world is a vampire, sent to drain
Secret destroyers, hold you up to the flames
And what do I get, for my pain
Betrayed desires, and a piece of the game

Even though I know-I suppose I'll show
All my cool and cold-like old job

Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage
Then someone will say what is lost can never be saved
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage

Now I'm naked, nothing but an animal
But can you fake it, for just one more show
And what do you want, I want to change
And what have you got
When you feel the same

Even though I know-I suppose I'll show
All my cool and cold-like old job

Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage
Then someone will say what is lost can never be saved
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage "

- The Smashing Pumpkins

the one thing i hate..

about drinking red bull is that it makes u feel all shittified when u wake up the next morning, after finally going to sleep the night before. or morning before you wake up in the afternoon coz u stayed up all night. aah well wateva you get the idea. slept late last night scrambling again to finish up my history essay. being undone by my procrastination again as always. resolution is there, but never adhered to. damn slacker la. will never attain the heights of my unfulfilled potential i guess. if ever there was one. i miss the days of acing my subjects back in the ummm early 90s.

aniwaes, morning was a rush today. had to go down to campus to hand in my assignment at the history department, before zooming to the engin canteen to takeaway some cheapo stuff for brunch. after that i was off to river valley for work. zippety zip along the expressway, opened the shop, did some accounting, changed up into my workclothes, and then got all ready to start business. all that was squeezed in from roughly 10.50am-12pm. amazingly efficient, im surprised myself sometimes. no wonder i got the speeding ticket the other time. speaking of which, i do hope my appeal goes through. pleaseee..

work was mundane through the day as per normal. did some transactions, and quite abit of stock processing too. twas alrite. standard stuff. one customer freaked me out though. he asked for a few titles at first, nothing different. then it began.

customer: exxkuse me, dont u have porn?
me: huh..? oh, no we dont..
customer: u dont have? but why, other countries like the US and australia do carry porn in their shops u know.
me: errr yeah i think they do. here its not that liberal guess.
customer: oooh ok. do u know where or how to get here in spore?
me (trying to be polite): err errr.. maybe u can find it in the neighbourhood areas, those makeshifts stalls selling pirated stuff..
customer: can u tell me where is the nearest? im staying around here in river valley. can u tell me the address of these places.
me (getting freaked): mmm there's a few around, but they come and go kinda business. very hush hush and underground.
customer (smiling): brudder, cmon yea. you can share share abit what u know yea.
me: errrrrr ... maybe u can try tiong bahru mall that area?
customer: how do i get there?
me (mind blanked): i think u can take like errr a few buses down...
customer: oh ok. u sporean huh?
me: umm yup.
customer: aaah icic. thank you. *smirks*

the fella went around after that to continue browsing at a few more titles on the shelves, and i attended to the stock after that. tried to look real busy and occupied at least. what a loser man, seemed pretty desperate sia. seriously, i was getting more and more awkward by the seconds. havnt he heard about broadband and all these days? old skool la. haha.

tried rushing back to campus when work ended, had promised yan to watch the compulsory film for sc3101 together in the library. ended up late, was caught in the traffic jams caused by chingay, heavy rain, and the evening office crowd. didnt have time to watch the 140mins show, so we attempted to read instead. the effort was there la. her ibook was there too. a conflict of interest, so we ended up spending more time checking out people on friendster. haha.

been seeing alot of yan, but mostly coz of default through lessons. which aint total fun. quality time is lacking. its school, lessons, revise, and go home. not that im complaining. some others have it worst then i do. at least we do get to meet up yea. but as they say, quality, not quantity is the essence. soon i hope soon.

no more glare..

wooo finally got my trucker cap today from flesh imp at heeren. after months of surveying around. simple design, nothing fancy. its dark navy blue and white, with the brand logo in front. now wats left is the krumpler bag, and perhaps a mohawkish haircut. seriously on the way to being a mat educated. haha.

yan was a tad disappointed. didnt get the type 1 levi's jeans that she had been aiming for. which was good i tink, coz didnt feel that the cutting and colour was right for her. mcm abit too ummm roughish. and also because i got a myself a cap when she had lost hers. she was consoled by getting a top from p.o.a instead. twas nice, looks good on her. no worries gal, i'll try my best to find u another cap to replace that one yeah.

still 25% of my essay undone, and its due tomorrow. kamikaze to the max mang.

a couple of random thoughts

are swirling around right now...

1. if i could help it, i'd rather not have a farking past.

2. i kinda appreciate opinions, constructive ones that is.

3. getting stood up sucks big time. and it sticks. somehow.

4. give and take. give and take. give and take. give. give. give.

5. tolerance vs patience. one in abundance. one limited.

6. as i remember, 1 < ∝ .

good workout..

had a pretty tiring day today, my legs were pushed to the limits. accompanied yan in her long awaited shopping spree, and boy was she vengeful on getting the stuffs. beach rd was first, before heading to orchard. and splurged she did. i was envious, partly coz there wasnt much nice stuff for me to get, and partly due to the usual budget constraints. wats new aye.

pooped. gotta sleep mang. but the grammy's on. am so stuck on gwen stefani's song right now. wooooooooo. nice. *wide-eyed grin*

sleep can wait i guess.

didnt feel..

like a week had just gone past. pretty fast aye. mebbe coz i was having fun. too much perhaps.

the chalet was the ultimate slackiest one i've seriously ever ever had. the humid weather was a factor possibly. started off with the typical barbeque, what is a chalet without one yea? the food was good, thanks to the kind subsidy provided by mai the montessori principal. lokman was by default kind enough too to get it all started, and was pretty consistent in dishing out relatively edible and nicely-cooked standard bbq foodstuffs. well done chap! apart from that main event there was lots of bumming around, slacking and interacting. from the way i see it, it was a nice and relaxed way to get to know yan's bosom pals much better. first time i met sharm, the missing jigsaw in the gang. quite friendly. poor arib was hopelessly mesmerised playing mastermind, while shikin was traumatised by morning alarm jingles. now thats a funny sight to see. it was getting pretty difficult telling shaz and sham apart though. their hairstyles getting a wee bit too similar la. hehe. found out that bur and aini is quite a healthy-lifestyle kinda couple. im impressed by their dedication to exercise. me & yan should ummm follow their footsteps i tink. azira had her 5mins of fame appearing on channelnewsasia as a conscientious student. pretty good job. and i swear she lives near me. oh yea, thanks for the morning breakfast gal. fart & Y were too much of an enigma for me to comprehend. they were in & out in a jiffy. maybe i will understand them better in future. had a great time, fun bunch of people.

friday was a hangover. too shagged from the lack of proper sleep. didnt really remember what took place. though i did remember aidah calling me asking to go for dinner. again wrong timing ah. maybe next time i should make it up to her & rashid. been a while.

had to wash my bike ahead of projected schedule because a stoopid plastic bag got stuck to its bottom exhaust whilst i was riding on the ECP. got all melted and burnt. yucks couldnt stand the smell. had a pretty difficult time scraping the shit off.

found out my pay for last month is quite miserly. sigh. when can i give her the treat like that...

spent saturday in school to finish reading up on Marx & Martineau for the assignment due on tuesday. cant understand half the crap im reading. sometimes people just think too smartly for others' good la. gonna be in school again tomorrow to finally start on the work proper. how boring. but no choice. aaah well..

no more Kleenex..

woooo im feeling better now, breathing is much more a pleasure now. and no more mucousy trickles down the nostrils. Febs flu medicine from watson's realy works man, no more lame panadols for me next time. oh and thank God too, for its Him who makes it happen. Amin..

chalet tomorrow. am in perfect health now, just in time. should be exciting. weeeee..

got another of those fancy coloured bands that's the fad these days. yesh im a victim. but all for good awareness and cause. this time its the light turqouish blueish "seeing is believing" one from standard chartered, in association with the blind community. up next which i hope to get is the intertwined double black & white racism bands. pretty nice, but currently its going for quite a steep price in the virtual market. we'll see la.

the thing i like about us is that no matter how much we choose to disagree, we'll eventually end up laughing at each other. weird yea but its all good. definitely. *thumbs up*

drip drip...

in times like this i think i really need a tampon. for my nose. been leaking like a pipe. getting pretty irritating sia.

dilemma..

am torn in conflict. im suffering from the dreaded cold/flu bug, and there is a soccer match tomorrow. been cordially invited to play for rashid's team again. seems like they're impressed. how how? damn the runny nose. it all stems from there, makes my head all woozy. hmmm...or was it the sheesha yesterday? *shrugs*

finding it abit hard to drive myself to read this semester. its starting to scare me.

am missing my nieces alot. been awhile since i played with them the cute little darlings. sabrina's getting into the groove of pre-school, and sarah's been crawling faster and in all directions now. oh she can stand too! such adorable kids. should probably give them a visit soon.

chalet's coming up next week with yan & the mamasitas. it'll be fun i hope.. hehe..

any cure..

for ulcers anyone? they are sprouting all over the insides of my mouth. currently there's one underneath my tongue, of all places, and there's one breeding at the inside of my left cheek. ouch ouch. think my body's heaty i guess. must be the weather la, so humid and all. or maybe im just hot. haha. should drink more water perhaps. and apply some salt to the wounds. more ouch. but as they say, the most pain comes when you're healing. how true.

getting all pimply too. bad dirty skin. and oily too. think im keeping the blotter companies alive by my consistent patronage of their products. hate my complexion. not that its that bad, but could have been better i wish. am told that water, fruits & veggies do the trick. ummm, i'll try my best. especially with the last remedy. heaty la heaty, blame it all on the weather. and maybe the dirty roads too.

my parents called a couple of days ago. or was it yesterday? doesnt matter la, important thing is they called. glad to know they're ok over in mecca. bumming around now since the Haj is over. probably do a little bit of sightseeing i suppose. they're afflicted with a little bit of the flu bug. its common i guess over there. as expected my mom asked about the house and stuffs, and whether i been a good boy or not. my dad was more straightforward in asking about the wellbeing of his beloved bike. and whether i been keeping an eye of it. and asked if i want a metal bangle. i was stunned. hahahaha. funny la the two of them. must the desert air i suspect. kinda miss them, despite the independence & freedom im enjoying now. how not to, i love my parents afterall.

soccer match yesterday was a no brainer. we thrashed the hapless team 8-0. or was it 9-0? aaaah wateva. they were just crap. had fun though.

saw haizad of singapore idol fame at jurong point today twice. once at the banquet foodcourt, another time at courts. he does look handsome, with the chiselled looks all. but i think he has bulked up abit. looked kinda beefy. ewww. he was with this chinese-looking girl. pretty much a plain jane with gd makeup. nothing outstanding. looked kinda haughty when she realised she was being looked at while walking with him. wateva...

enjoyed the day with yan today. even though it was just lectures, readings & the odd meal. the simple things really can be nice. *grin*