me, myself and i ...

i think i have a big big problem. with myself. for the unacquainted, it may not be that visibly clear. there is this fiery nature, streak, in me that just lingers no matter how much i try to suppress it. in some ways, a little bit of it is good, coz it keeps me competitive in many things that i do. thats what keeps me to have such a winning mentality when playing sports and games and stuff. i strive to win, very hard always. and be a sore loser sometimes. my soccer buddies can attest to that. but that fiery nature in me, when in abundance is kind of unhealthy i feel. especially so when its transplanted to my personal life. and becomes a huge huge character flaw. sometimes i wonder where do i get such an irksome trait from. probably a combination of environment, life experience, and genetics perhaps. i dunno. and funny thing is, though im very aware of such a shortcoming, many times i consciously let it overwhelm my emotions which translates to an irritatingly annoying behaviour. which is unfair too, for my actions eventually tend to betray my actual thoughts & feelings. whatever they may be. oh crap. as much as i love myself, i do hate it too. well maybe parts of it la.

got tickets to the singapore vs myanmar game on sunday nite, courtesy of fadzly bobo. thanx brudder, u're the best. cost-wise, keep it on tabs yea. i knew i could count on you. and btw, welcome to the videoezy family. work hard ok.

tis the season to eat..

went for a chrismas party on sunday nite held by a friend of yan, somewhere in the far-flung braddell area. definitely not my territory. it was something simple, small gathering. first time i really got the chance to interact and get chummy with her starbucks pals. most times i was lost though, couldnt really catch on to their long-passed stories of yesteryears. sometimes the things mentioned bordered on the unbelievable, yet sounded real enough for me to be consistently get fooled and become the butt of the jokes. i so seriously thought that one of them was gonna be a chinese dance teacher at her alma mater. gosh, think i should work on my gullibility (which equates to being trusting of people). danger man if unchecked. as always i gorged myself with food, how not to when blessed with a talent to eat without gaining weight. if u got it, flaunt it i say. was stuffed with turkey & cranberry sauce, very the yummy. sherpard's pie and the pasta was also interestingly nice, topped with lots of parmesan cheese. all that with an endless supply of cola. aaah, what bliss. got offered wine later, but no thanks for me. if you drink, dont drive. not that i drink for that matter. i may not be a good muslim, but i dont drink. definitely.

kind of unofficially withdrew from MSS last week, gave the vice-president a call to state to her my situation. cant really drive myself to be directly involved with any of their activities anymore, partly because i seriously dont think i could afford the time to make a real commitment to them. what with my studies, work & upcoming tuitions. im just bad at time-management la, usually its biased towards a more slacky lifestyle. also, its kind of difficult to make myself involved in something that i dont really have the heart for in the 1st place. especially when my initial participation with MSS was due to friendship obligations, not actual interest, with my female peers who have since graduated. and i know im NOT the only one feeling obligated. to those who are disappointed in me, my apologies for not doing better. i know definitely for sure people will be talking and be all judgemental about this issue, but doesnt really matter la. i do what i feel is right and the best in my own interest. selfish perhaps, but better that way i guess than be a hypocrite and be half-hearted about things. life's like that, for me at least.

work again tomorrow after 2 days of break. will be back late again since its closing hours. its amazing how my parents are becoming numb to the idea of me coming home late these days. maybe they are just used to it perhaps. well, no noise is good noise!

gotta send my bike for servicing soon. still in hope of getting a vespa one day though. my dream will never end....

im hungry...

burrrpp...

what a frantic past couple of days that just seem to zoom by. was caught up with work til late coz was doing closing hours, and by time i got back was too exhausted to do anything else. apart from washing up and stuff of coz.

got my christmas gift for the exchange thingy on thurs. it was a Nike shoe bag, which is practically reasonable for me, something that i can use. my colleague taufik was the one who had to give me the gift, so i thought it was pretty observant of him to know what kinda things im attuned to. good choice brudder.

went for dinner/supper just now after work. wan & partner faz was able to get hold of faz's dad's car for the nite, so it was kinda nice for me to for once be picked up & chauffeured around. had to pick yan up 1st from the queensway busstop before heading for changi village. apparently she was late because of a slipper malfunction by walking straight into an area of lumpy yellowish-brown mud near her place. and the slippers were white. alamak, that's gonna look like u step on poo man. bachin la bachin. aniwaes, the food was good. nasi lemak, satay, & honey-glazed chicken wings washed down with sugar cane & coconut juices was heaven, simply terrific. best part was that yan was such a sweet darling to have them subsidised for me. perhaps to cover her outstanding credit tabs she has with me. & that she was late. whateva it is, thank u so so much. nice. think i ate more than my fair share of food though, as always. on one hand its actually good i think coz food never gets wasted, but on the other hand im probably eating way into the rests' portions. aaah well, conscience dilemma. sorry fellas, wot to do, born this way. a bottomless pit.

got back exam results today. mixed emotions, of relief, gratitude and resignation. relief that i passed, grateful to God for making this possible and resigned to the relatively stable yet stagnant grades i got. the results only serves to emphasize the fact that im not a brilliant student, but is capable of doing the bare minimum to survive & go through the required necessities. possibly this spells the end of any remnant hopes i had about doing my honours. and the start to the countdown of me entering the workforce in 1 & a half years time. oh well, guess its about time that i start earning my own proper income also, and let my parents have a well-deserved rest & enjoy life. soon soon, God willing.

i miss my nieces. wonderful kids they are.

musings of an unstable mind...

pretty tired so am gonna keep it short. im serious.

it happened again. couldnt get my lazy ass up to help wake her up for work again. deja vu. either i was too concussed, or my hp alarm is hopeless. this aint good, turning into a wee bit bad habit to not be able to be awake when i need to. or want to.

work was a short 5 hours today. did the usual straightforward stuffs, thank goodness no new stocks came. could have the luxury of just manning the counter and idle around. aaah, one of those days. Bo came for his interview, apparently it turned out good for him. lets see la brudder, god willing u'll get it. i need more chums at work.

slacked at yan's starbucks after that. sat behind Ann Kok, didnt realised it was even her til it was pointed out to me. she seemed pretty enough, with relatively simple makeup. looked smaller than on TV though. aidah and rashid dropped by later, a coincidental unplanned meeting up. bummed for awhile before heading to Plaza Spura to eat. man, the chicken rice was darn good. worth the money, helmet and all. slacked a little while more at the Macs there till time ran out. the ride back was cold, real cold.

hmm.. a few cents worth. think that kindness should never be taken as a weakness. neither does tolerance mean acceptance nor endorsement. and patience definitely has its limits. for everybody. and guys should never lay a hand onto girls, especially not when it hurts and scars. darn those arses who do. have something against the wonders of technology too. its funny. sometimes its inexplicable for us to embrace it. but to the extent of being too immersed and indulgent over it? now that's a no no. ooooh no.

shagged..

been feeling way way fatigued these past two days, i dunno why. havnt been doing anything shaggedelic lately, so im quite perplexed maself. was so concussed that it almost led to disaster. was supposed to help wake yan up for work at 5am plus coz she was doing opening today. she woke me up at 9am instead. apparently i didnt hear the alarm i set on my hp, didnt even realised how i managed to stop the ringing. thank goodness she wasnt really late or anything. phew. pardon me missus.

wasnt working today, so i finally could afford the time to give my bike a thorough washing. it was in a pretty dirty condition, what with the grease & dirt from the roads. been in neglect for a couple of months. or more i think! kinda got my hands all black and mechanic-looking in the process. gotta send the bike for servicing soon too. need air to be pumped into the tyres, and the engine oil and spark plugs replaced. wooooo, that could amount to quite a sum. money agaaaaain...

my niece sarah is finally starting to crawl. she's now more mobile, so more precautions are in place in my house when the kids come over. mini tiny teeth are also sprouting, and becoz of that she drools at times. reminds me of myself at 14. she's so cute & chubby. the epitome of a really round baby brimming with fat. just think of the michelin man. her elder sister is super excited about going to pre-school next year. wait til she gets into her 17th year of study, like me. it aint all that fun gal. getting more & more hyper and naughty and stubborn too. and talkative. probably will put pictures of these two kids up here once i figured out more about the dynamics behind this blogging thingy yea.

got the christmas gift for my boss already. its a thermos flask from starbucks. cheap and good! be clear though that i aint trying to suck up or anything, its for the exchange scheme Videoezy's having rmb? aaaahh...

storytime. wanted to surprise yan with a gift too. she had been eyeing this white polka-dotted Rip Curl purse. & apparently she noticed it at the outlet at pacific plaza, with only one left. my plan was to buy it before she's able to, and thus leave her disappointed when she realise there's none left. and eventually surprise her with the gift on another day. thus before picking her up after work i made my way there to buy it, only to realise that some bugger had already got it 1st. damn! was recommended by the gay-looking mat working there to try checking out the surf babe outlet at wisma, but unfortunately when i arrived there was none there either. shite, my plan tak menjadi. bummed out, went to meet up with yan at her workplace empty-handed. or so i thought. told her my failed plan coz i didnt want her to waste time looking around for it, but her being her, didnt believed me & thought i was merely trying to discourage her from buying. ummmm, i Do have an honest face rite? guys? aniwaes, we eventually surveyed the same places again. funny mang. tried out flash & splash at heeren, where we found the purse!! so i bought it there and then, and gave it to yan, in an advanced gift kind of way. haha. well, the idea was there la i guess. hope u like it aye.

a day off does wonders to me. rejuvenated for work tom. just no stocks pleaseeee no stocks...

nothing different...

tried the chicken foldover from macdonald's after work today. yeap i couldnt resist the force radiating from that corporate food enterprise. found a way to overcome the hefty prices though. went to the one at NUS, where its relatively cheaper from the market price. probably coz it's all subsidised from the huge tuition fees we all hafta pay. smart arses. well, sad as it may be to be eating a meal in school during the holidays, the foldover was well worth it. damn nice, and the pita-like bread & double patty was absolutely magnifique! highly recommended for those with a penchant for good food. the company i had for dinner was simply great too, yan had called to suggest trying the foldover as she had been craving for it for awhile. twas a nice way to end a long tiring day at work, to meet up with a loved one. bummed around for awhile after gobbling up the food before heading home. an even longer day at work tomorrow awaits, probably will be ending at 9pm. bah!

caught Face Off at work just now, though i know im way way overdue in getting all excited over that film. i've watched it before, but never really focussed on what the story was about. had a period of lull in the store just now when i could squeeze some attention onto the plasma tv. another superb movie, plot & acting was top notch. fadzly bobo dropped by too. he had wanted to loan some shows to ease his boredom for the rest of these holidays. sorry brudder, but i told ya that we dont carry any R(A) titles right? hope the M18 ones are fine for u. caught up with him too on his recent exploits abroad while i took my lunch break. apparently he was also interested in trying out for the job at my workplace, so i kinda assisted him with the application and stuff. hope u get the job brudder, it'll be fun working with ya. plus u can finally settle ur errmmmm debts with me. wateva they are.

my room's getting messier. the neat & tidy facade put up for the recent hari raya celebrations is no longer a valid front to continue with. actually for the festive period itself i was already not really interested in cleaning up the room, after all who would ever wanna come into my room during visiting? that'll be just plain rude to come barging into people's personal enclaves. i can see my clothes piling up around the perimeter of the room, both clean and ummmm, used. no worries, flies havnt started coming in yet. nor roaches. in spite of this, i love my room, think its just a decent size for me, enough to pack in whatever necessities that i'd need. feel that it's kinda cosy too. what's lacking is the air-conditioner, but the wall fan i have more than makes up for that absence. when cleaned & free from dust, on its day the wall fan can perform an admirably good job in keeping my room air ventilated. the only eyesore i get from my room is the alien items belonging to my mom. her clothes tend to be "temporarily" deposited in the empty areas available. and they never get removed. thanx mom. my nieces' toys and clothes are also beginning to resemble junk near my bedroom wall. hey kids, clean ur acts up aite!

feeling snoozy. long day ahead tomorrow. am sooooo excited! yea, i wish...

filing for bankruptcy...

remember me mentioning about being short on cash? now its got even worse. beach road & bugis was on the agenda today, wanted to go find new tops to complement my seriously boring wardrobe. fetched yan from her place, going public today what with the funny weather all. plus i've always enjoyed taking moderately-long bus rides with her as compared to riding my bike. the time used to travel is much much more qualitative in a sense that we could have more time interacting. despite the convenience of a bike, it gets pretty monotonous sometimes. & i hate getting stuck in the rain. aniwaes, beach road was a disappointment. walked round & round but couldnt find any nice ones. bah! ended up satisfying our stomachaches instead with mutton chop at the hawker area. pretty nice, but a wee bit little. cant upsize it though, unfortunately.

made our way to bugis, where it was more fruitful for me. yet detrimental to my bank balance. got for meself 2 ringer-tees for about 19 bucks each, with pretty simple but interesting prints. im sooo in love with ringer-tees man! probably gonna get more when my next pay comes in. after paying bills, uni misc fees, bike servicing & maintaining my daily diet. thinking again, maybe not perhaps. seriously gonna be a pauper. will subserviate myself for cash. anyone?

finally found a suitable haversack for myself too, something which i have been aiming to get since 1965. got it from the new adidas boutique at bugis junction, quite a spontaneous (read impulsive) decision i must say. well its kinda nice, and i dont want to live a life of regret not buying it it. i have had quite a history of noticing appealing items from the adidas range, yet i kept stalling and disciplining myself from spending. & when i DO decide to, they're gone from circulation. not this time, i got what i wanted! albeit at a hefty price, which i wont mention. the repercussive potential reactions i may get may be too traumatising for me. dammit, why does it have to be so expensive. it aint my fault, its adidas's.

took the bus back home again. stopped for awhile for dessert at McDonald's Clementi. goodness, the prices now are outrageously atrocious man! $2.45 for a large-sized fries? what a total rip-off on consumers. i could probably get a decent plate of chicken rice for that price. didnt know that potatoes these days are that scarce in supply. what the fark. amidst the reluctance to dish out the dough, we couldnt resist munching the over-rated fries and slurping up some strawberry sundae. with plain water (couldnt afford a drink, the fries upsetted the budget). burrp.

another day gone, another day treasured. what was a bleak outlook turned out to be a great time spent together. feeling contented, got my objectives accomplished. feeling worried, financially reaching my credit limit soon. i guess its a give & take situation, to get what u want u gotta give something in return. in anything. work tomorrow. sigh.

what is wrong with me aye?

oops i did it again. a major boo-boo that is. my seemingly innate ability in projecting my chronic baseless fears/paranoia was allowed to rear its ugly head again. same old concerns, same old worries, same old stupidity. unfounded at times. unfair to the afflicted. but why cant i do something about it? supposedly time provides experience, experience makes a man. doesnt work for me it seems. i just dont seem to learn. cant quite understand why this bledy mind of mine cant be cool about it. maybe coz i was once bitten, & definitely more than twice shy over it. aaah well, tough luck for me perhaps. wat a bummer.

another day gone...

slept like a log yesterday, the effects of the flu drug almost made me wake up late for work. but it was good, felt much better now. thankfully my beloved mother forced me up from my slumber. shows she still cares for her son at least. hopefully. work was mundane as usual, unfortunately stock came again, so it was again abit of a hassle. was kind of obliged to watch the latest Anaconda movie juz now, since it was newly released. wat a crappy show it was, with one of the most cheesiest script i've ever heard, and the storyline tried hard to revolve around the stereotypical genre of action in suspense. it failed terribly though.

caught Ocean Twelve with yan later when we both ended work. met up with her at Starbucks OP to grab my complimentary chocolate cream frappucino, with whipped cream, no less (thank u dear!!!!), before heading to Lido. found the film refreshingly smart, though the plot was a wee bit thin i feel. somewhere in the middle it seemed to be too dialogue-ish, and i found myself snoozing in bits. fatigued from work i guess. overall it still was enjoyable, but i found the 1st instalment a much better production. decent effort la this time round. irregardless, the quarter-day spent with her was nice, as always, & much appreciated despite the constrained time. beach road tomorrow?

well well, my friend fadzly bobo is finally back from the land of smiles and syphilis. bet u had fun down there aye brudder. or it is up there? aah, pardon my geography. apparently he told me he lived the life more of a local than a tourist whilst he was there. hmmm, tts weird, conventionally people go overseas to have holidays rite? hmmm, not for him i guess. im confident u still did squeeze some shopping for ur pals back here yea yea. a shirt would suffice. or weed. we should meet up soon also, its been awhile. hope u're still the SAME man i knew before u left brudder.

apparently people have been passing comments that i look a wee bit like that fella who got voted to win the Singapore Idol. im like "huh..for real?". coz i dun tink that i do. even one of my customers at RV even asked,"has anyone ever told ya that u look like that fella from Spore Idol?". i was dumbfounded, dunno wat to reply mang. the initial first few comments made me abit more conscious about it, but as more people increasingly mentioned the resemblance, im kinda getting more & more annoyed at the supposed connection. hey, c'mon people, i dun look like him at alll! imagine, if let's say people keep stating that u look like ermmmm....aaron aziz or patricia mok or gurmit for that matter, wouldnt u be like wanna stand up for ur own identity? no matter wat standard of looks is implied, its still kind of unnerving to me. just becoz he is more famous and well-recognised. probably if i am hypothetically a well-known celebrity (which will never happen, take note), i tink probably people would instead say the reverse to that Idol of ours. "hey, u look like him!" aaaahhhh welll...

running low on cash, but still with many things in mind to get. bummer.. how how, sponsors anyone?

blardy darn nose

fell victim to the dreaded runny nose virus. had actually started sneezing and excreting mucus whilst at work yest, made worse by indulging myself wif sheesha i tink. now its pretty irritatingly a nuisance, hafta reach out for tissue every now & den. and i thot my tummy is the only organ tt needs consistent attention. unlucky i tell u. took the magic yellow decolgen pill abt an hour ago, tt seems to be the only remedy tt works for me. cant find it ard tt much tho, heard tt guardian aint selling it anymore. aah well wat am i blabberring, must be the flu enveloping itself ard my brain. or wateva thr is to it.

went to campus today wif my mom to place an order for my very own laptop. finally. after im done wif 1 & half years of being an undergrad. aaah well, better late den never. now its no more depending on other's goodwill to surf...ummm...research sites during school hours. and do term papers on the move. how cool is that aye, owning a laptop. sent mommy to her workplace at farrer rd after tt. riding with her was seriously damn strenous, coz she kept giving the wrong directions coupled with last minute changes. blimey! i simply take it as a test of patience, & of my riding abilities.

spent a few hours slacking wif yan, shan & aidah at yan's sis's place. how nice of her to offer us tt luxury. thank u to whom it may concern, for such sweet hospitality. the house is wonderfully & tastefully done up, it was simple yet nice & cosy. and its pretty big too for a 3-roomer. simply lurve the toilets, for their aesthetic qualities of coz. it was great fun, bumming ard like old times when we were free before the term started. eh, come to tink of it, we did still bummed ard when the term was in full motion. wat the heck, no difference! well mebbe just the relative freedom of mind without any thought of school work made it better la. laughed our heads off at the stupidity of Scary Movie 3 & American Pie. those are my kind of shows man, slapstick dumb humour do tickle my fancy. its a great great way to relieve stress and worries i must say. pizza was ordered at a budgeted size, considering that all of us are kinda tight rite now. got 3 slices each though, so its quite sufficient to temporarily ease the hunger pangs. afterall we had been munching non-stop on chips and guzzling soda all along, so it was enough. especially for aidah, who had been hogging the plate of goodies for significantly most of the time. too bad the time to leave was pretty early, could haf stayed there til god noes wat time man. the fab four, good clean fun. seriously, it IS clean. and fun.

finally met yan today. it was blissfully nice, wished the time spent could have been longer or sumting. would have liked to write more, but i cant really describe much in words, only the experience felt is worthy of mention. words, after all, cannot totally encapsulate the entire essence of whatever my life is all about. they represent those feelings, emotions, thoughts etc etc to some extent, but doesnt really allows a connection with what i mean to say at times. tts when i get myself into a tight spot, i tink. hmmmm.

here's another sumting i thought about, dunno how true it is though. when all is well, it brings about a sense of familiarity to all, in terms of what when where how & why things happen or are done in that particular way. familiarity eventually breeds complacency. and when u are complacent, tt's when u start making assumptions. mostly wrong ones. and as we know, assumptions is the mother of all cockups. tts where things go wrong between couples i feel. coz when's thr's relatively stagnant peace and happiness in a relationship, u tend to not appreciate the other party as much as u should. feelings of neglect will eventually start to creep in and corrupt the perfect setting of that relationship. treasure the ones u have, especially in times when all is well. that, unknowingly to most, is perhaps the most crucial phase where the greatest attention needs to be emphasised. theoretical mumbo-jumbo some may say, but doesnt matter to me. nobody's perfect.

oh dear nose please have mercy...

intoxicated...and pooped

wat a long day it's been.got a call in the wee hrs of 10am plus from my boss to come down to work earlier than scheduled. apparently this colleague of mine took urgently leave for the umpteenth time for some urgent matters, or so the story goes.well, duty calls so gotta start rushing my daily waking up routine of turning and tossing, snooze abit, toss again, and finally got out of bed. breakfast was a measly lump of mee soto, but tt'll do i guess. remembered tt i gotta demand back dvds i loaned out to wan, so a quickie bout of frantic smses did the trick. with a dose of firm charming undertones of course. haha. zoomed to her place on my trusty veterans' bike to collect the stuffs before drudging my way to RV for paid labour. after buying myself some lunch from my fav mamak stall near thr though. cant neglect my bottomless pit of a tummy.

work was a hassle man. lotsa stock to be scanned and be accounted for. seems like it aint the slack rilek job many thought it'll be aye. aah well, money man money. spent quality time wif my boss the whole day scanning barcodes, amidst the glancing looks at the plasma tv. I-Robot is a cool cool show, abit on the sci-fi side. mebbe the geek in me is showing itself agn. dang! realised that thr's quite a number of real good-looking men out thr in spore. but they're definitely definitely gay i tell u. how can u explain two well-toned, chiselled-featured men with realy nice fashion sense coming into my shop and interacted with each other like as tho they're a couple. gross...aaah well, life's like tt. the babes ard the area pretty ummm eye candy too. so i guess it balances itself out la. haha. next wk's gonna b hell week for me, probably gonna b working daily from mon til sat. shortage of staff now. as boring as it is tho, the money keeps me going. wat to do when u're at an age of expected independence. esp financially. been surviving well so far, but the little bit extra of indulgence do come at a price. this is whr my life's appreciation of needs and wants get severely tested. hhhmmmm.... budden agn, thr's always pple out thr who have it much harder than i do. cant realy complain much wif wat i haf now i tink. perseverance is key perhaps.

went to arab street for a Videoezy gathering after work, in conjunction wif two of my colleagues' birthdays this month. got myself super intoxicated with sheesha & ice mint tea. tt's like the 3rd session i been thr in recent times. getting pretty addictive i tink. shite. did alot of catching up wif the few i havnt seen for ages - some transferred, some went NS, some just didnt haf time for gg out. slacked for a couple of hours or so, ate cake and gorged finger foods. found out that i gotta take part in this unofficial christmas "gift exchange" scheme where u dipped ur hands into a bag wif pieces of paper wif staff names written on it, take one, and voila! tt name becomes ur gift recipient for christmas. wat the heck, spend agn! the fella whom i gotta buy the gift would probably wished he got someone else. budgeted gift is on the cards. haha. the gathering was fun tho, however the service thr kinda sucked big time. practically gotta make urself visible to the workers, & when attended to, they didnt seem happy nor interested in serving the customers. eh halo, if dun like the job than dun work la dey. simple mathematics. got home at 3am, damn pooped...

havnt seen nor met yan for two days already. missing her company greatly man. yesh, two days may not exacty equate to eternity, but to me tt's already long enuff man. its just different, wif her ard my day just seem so much brighter. the adrenalin gets all pumped up and its a kinda nice feeling to have her presence ard me. realy like it when she smiles. perfect. however though i feel tt at times i havnt been deserving enuff to warrant tt from her, at times my emotions tend to negate the rationality that the mind allows, and this can be disastrously unhealthy for both of us. mebbe its just me, insecurities and self-doubt are two ailments that chronically plagued myself. at times i just dunno wat is wrong wif wat im tinking. mad? nahh, just plain childish of me perhaps. i should learn to trust more i guess. aaah well.. gonna be spending time wif the fab four tom, yan included. watching DVDs are on the agenda, with compliments from me of coz. haha. hope it'll b fun, kinda looking 4wd to seeing her again. each and everytime. mushy? nahhh, just my sincerest thoughts.

gd nite people...

teststs

wahahhahahha hello blog.does this look too flaky sweets?