one thing ive recently learnt not to do anymore - is to never ever bother to even think of doing anything, for anyone, from whom there's not even the slightest remotest possibility that there would be any form of appreciation nor gratitude. not even when i had meant to do it with the sincerest of intentions, for the interests of everyone at heart. why huh? no point la, coz id just get misunderstood. should have just focussed on doing it right for those that really matter. not that i really care, but it's just disappointing. aah well... whateva.

aniwaes, happy birthday malaysia.

look what you've done

"Take my photo off the wall
If it just won't sing for you
'Cause all that's left has gone away
And there's nothing there for you to prove

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Give me back my point of view
'Cause I just can't think for you
I can hardly hear you say
What should I do, well you choose

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
A fool of everyone
A fool of everyone

Take my photo off the wall
If it just won't sing for you
'Cause all that's left has gone away
And there's nothing there for you to do

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
A fool of everyone
A fool of everyone"

spent almost the entire day in school just now. had lectures and a tutorial, starting from 8am lasting all the way till 2pm plus. given the fact that i merely slept for only about 2.5hrs the night before, it was expected that i ended up pooped by that time. efforts to do my readings in the library was constantly interpersed with intermittent snoozing, before i gave up and just took a nap in between.

went to watch Papadum at the UCC in the evening, which was an interesting fusion of dance with hiphop and indian influences. the show was good, albeit a tad expensive for a relatively short duration. the choreography was good, the dancers were good, and the company's good. was bumming around the foyer with the lads after the show when we noticed Caroline Cheong walking by, and the group duly took a photo with her. she was surprisingly pleasant and friendly about it. smiles and all. *thumbs up*

ended the day with a dinner/supper thingy at a coffeeshop in clementi. had murtabak chicken and mutton, plus my customary soda. jokes and laughter were endless and aplenty, quite understandable when one of the guys is a living jukebox who simply cannot stop his yakking. but twas good la. brought life and merriment to everyone.

its amazing how my upbeat public life can be so starkly contrasted with whats going on in my personal experiences. aaah well. what rotten rotten luck. sigh.

it's now entering two weeks into the new semester, and im starting to feel the fatigue seeping in abit. this is probably because ive been squeezing in as much working slots as possible along with school for the moment, before the tutorials and assignments start to kick in. thank goodness i managed to get all my desired modules and the tutorial slots i balloted for. the only real hassle was during the process of attaining them. my goodness this time around the CORS system cocked up big time, so much so that everything got so dragged each time. im sure my fellow undergrads would attest to that. i dont understand why cant the system administrator foresee the possibility that the server might face an overload, given the fact that since this is the first semester of a new academic year, panicky kancheongness would surely overwhelm people who're new to the whole thingy. dammit the freshies must be the freshies.

aniwaes, my official weekly schooling schedule is already finalised, and is minimised to a grand total of 3 days only - tuesday, wednesday & thursday. lectures and tutorials all. hehehe.. yes yes super long weekends every week. of course it'll be quite packed and exhausting perhaps, but im sure with sufficient sleep and proper nutritioning i might just be able to survive la. aaah well probably wishful thinking, but i'll manage somehow. speaking of which, i should probably at least attempt to do my readings soon, before it starts piling up all over again.

i got good news the other day with regards to work. my pay was increased! it wasnt that much but it's still higher nonetheless. no complains. alhamdulillah.

one thing irks me. throughout my life ive met many people. some close, some acquaintances, some remained, some distanced. im ok with that its all understandable. but what i find remarkable is when people deliberately feigned anonymity and act as if that that is the first time we've ever crossed paths. not that im so hardup for their friendship, i dont need these kinda people in my life anyway. just that i think it reflects alot on the kind of attitude and character that's ingrained in them, when a simple hello or a smile of acknowledgement seems like such a chore. macam so high and mighty like that. hahaha rite. or maybe im not seen as a friend. whatever la huh no loss also.

lastly, ive just heard that Mr Singapore Idol has just been endorsed as the latest ambassador for the anti-smoking campaign. hahahahahahaha.... what an irony.

the difference between me and you is the fact that i will never chastise the people who matter to me openly in any public domain. period. especially not when some of the claims were made to implicate negativities about those discussed. how disappointing. and somehow, it hurts. ouch.

i just received news that a grandaunt of mine had passed away, due to illness and old age. we werent that close, but were quite well-acquainted enough with each other, and somehow, when i heard the news, my heart sank. again the uncertainty between life and death was revisited, it comes and goes and hits you without warning. i hate this feeling, this fear i have of losing the ones who matter the most to me. for the fact is, its only when they're gone that you learn to appreciate them. cliche i know, but its true. may God bless her.

on the other hand, on a brighter note, im happy to know also that im gonna be an uncle all over again. my elder sis's expecting her 3rd child, and i cant wait to find out if the baby's another girl, or if it would be a boy this time, to join Sabrina and Sarah. somehow, the kids never fail to brighten up my days la, even when im feeling down or stressed. i find it amazingly therapeutic when i attend to their needs, and its a pleasure for me to find simple joys in cleaning them, feeding them, or even putting them to sleep. nothing beats seeing them contented, and well taken care of. hmmmm, mebbe this is the one thing that i may probably be good at. we'll seee.. haha..

ok am done for now. am tired, and work tomorrow morning. sian. and i miss going out with the gf, hopefully the later part of tomorrow yea? will probably be going down to the esplanade to catch some hiphop thingy there or sumtng i guess.. gd nite.

ok i realised that i should at least try to update this blog just a teeny bit. i havent been conscientiously doing so partly because i have grown to be lazy, and partly because there's relatively much inactivity that circulates round my social existence, aside from the often-heard ramblings about my work and watnots all. and of course the ever-persistent problems of maintaining a healthy cashflow, and the chronic difficulties of weaving through the complexities of a far-from-utopian relationship.

i feel guilty somewhat, for indulging in a couple of luxuries for myself from my latest pay. got a krumpler bag (finally!), and a pair of levi's jeans (finally!), both of which were aimed months months ago. those 2 items can roughly give you an idea of the total expenditure incurred. yes mebbe i do deserve them after having slogged so hard during the hols, but i still cant help feeling a tad embarrassed at having spent quite a substantial amount on 2 mere items. aaah well.

attended school for the first time today. having not had lessons for 3 months, it was quite hard for the brain to commit full concentration on a sustained basis. i fell asleep midway through the first half of the lecture. well, the lecture was quite dry and boring i must say. thank goodness i can drop it from tomorrow onwards, coz i finally got the SS module that i prefer taking also. phew.

ok now i cant tink of anymore stuff to jot down. hopefully this mental rust will thaw eventually over the semester la. til the next time den.