i turned 23 today. another year older, another year wiser i hope. its getting to me, the fear of having to really really grow up now, be all independent and mature, and start thinking of what im gonna do for my future, savings, and stuff like that. issues that an adult should be concerned about. hopefully, i'll get the hang of it soon. seems like only recently that i was sitting for my psle, fretting over my O-lvls, and being disappointed with my A-lvls. if all goes well i'll be graduating in a year's time, and venturing into the real world. in a way, its kinda happening a wee bit too fast for me i tink. *shudder*

spent the day in school though, no fancy celebration or partying. had to mug for the darn upcoming exams. mood was relatively neutral and resigned at first. however was greatly cheered up by a wonderful surprise which yan sprang on me later on in the afternoon, by providing me with presents, when i seriously wasnt expecting any, considering the fact that i understand that she's also having similarly tight finances as me. not that im complaining, in fact im very very happy with the stuff she got me. hehe. but im very touched by the gesture and sacrifices i found out she made to get me those items. mind you, im not at all a materialist. its just a great bonus la to be getting presents, and i really appreciate her efforts. its very heartwearming indeed, despite the conflicts and differences we go through and all. thank u very much my dear yan. *hugs*

to all the people who remembered and wished me a happy birthday, i salute you all and thank you for the wishes. in one way or the other, its a pleasure having known and have you fellas in my life. doesnt matter the fact that we may never be close or tight, ive always have this belief that there is always a reason for all people that i meet in my lifetime. be it significant, or just an acquaintance. thank you again. cheers!

exams start this saturday, and ive just started revision. which actually means im just starting to catch up on all the readings that have not been done yet. am worried about the stuff to cover for deviance, social thought, and those for indochina. not only is there quite a pile left undone, they are pretty complex too! just need to persevere abit more i guess. cant wait for the semester to end. 3 months holidays man 3 months. that in itself is a motivation. and im sure my sentiments are shared by many too. haha.

went to yan's niece's birthday celebration cum mini-bbq last saturday, and met the whole family. plus a few more auxillary aunts and uncle who were there too. nervous and reluctant as i was, i couldnt really turn the invitation down. not nice to do so yea, its only polite to accept the invite i guess. aniwaes, you can imagine how awkwardly kancheong i was throughout the night. so scared to say or behave in a way that would misguide their first impressions of me. but i hope i did okay. they were hospitable enough, though there were quite stumping moments when i had to engage in small talk with her parents, especially the dad. dads are always fearsome. they just have this aura la. but her 1st sis and hubby are pretty chummy with me already. which is great i think. never hurts to have support from within. =)

finally got the last essay done. pretty much a good piece of intellectual crapping i feel, not that sciency as it should i think. did it all the way through sunday nite til monday early morning. feels good to get it out of the way. can direct my energies to the exams now. and praying for it. haha. continued the rest of monday by staying back in school to get some readings done before heading home after catching desperate housewives on the nus webcast. did the crazy thing of washing my bike in the middle of the night (it seriously needed to be cleaned) underneath the block til like about 1.30am before ending heading up. fatigue overwhelmed and i concussed soon after. not before giving myself some washing up too of course.

spent today in campus with imah, mariam punk rock & yan revising and fighting mosquitoes. wasted hours trying to comprehend some indigestible readings which, unsurprisingly, ive already forgotten by now. aaah well. the company's good though.good mix of fun and seriousness. pretty tired now, will head to the bed soon. shall try those darn readings again tomorrow la...

of all the worst things that could happen to me, i dropped my laptop. from a benchtop height. dammit. happened last thursday night when overnighting in school with yan. was sliding my bag across the bench to create space without realising that the laptop was right at the edge. fell smack to the floor with a loud bang/thud. perhaps luckily it landed flat horizontally, lessening potential damage. when i checked the keypads were somewhat tilted upwards, the airport misplaced, and there was these funny whirring sound when booting up. a few hours later of panicky self-servicing and multiple retesting, the system seemed ok. thank gdness. hopefully there's no longterm internal damage.

that aside, i was able to complete quite abit of readings. went home friday morning at 8plus. after reporting strength to the missus to say that i safely rode home, i concussed immediately all the way till 3-4pm in the afternoon. missed my prayers because of that though. night was spent picking yan up from her shopping (tsk tsk!) in town, and having dinner with her, wan, faz and mariam punk rock at cineleisure.

am sore about having to give this year's rugby sevens a miss. coz of the stupidly late project i hafta hand up on monday. which i still have not started on. been going to the event every year thanks to my cousin who works at the sports council. haha. free grandstand tixs each time man. hopefully can get to go for next year's if its held here again. so sports/rugby fans, do get chummy with me pretty early if you want them tixs aite. haha.

weather starting to get all wet again. boring la. the only thing great to do in it is to sleep. lazy to the maxxxxxxxx...

been quite a sucky day. bad start to it made worse by a poor ending. i just wanna bury myself sometimes. in my pillows. and sleep my sorrows and fatigue away.

today i was asked how do i envisage myself to be in 5 years time. somehow, that question set me off thinking real worryingly. coz that would make me 28 years old. yikes. at that age im expected to be working and supporting myself already. living independently, with my own responsibilities. it made me feel scared, in some ways. coz that age is actually not that too far away. problem is though im already 23 this year, i still feel like im barely entering my 20s. think if i walk down orchard road i can still even pass off as one of those late teens kids. i dont think i look my age, nor do i feel so mature and ready to face the challenges of life ahead, which are coming sooner then it actually is. i wonder how i'll turn out.

aniwaes, its funny how when i typed "breasts" in the NUS library search engine, the results that came out were all on books about the bible and some other christian stuffs all. haha. what irony. btw, i was trying to find books/materials for my last assignment for that stupid science module. am thinking of doing on claims about breast enhancements. pretty ummm interesting topic. oh, and i failed the CA for that mod miserably, which carries a 35% weightage for the finals. got a mere 36 out of 100. im so totally screwed. gulp.

tired. shall sleep now.

took a mental break over the weekend, after some last minute hard-thinking again for that malay history essay. indulged myself in a couple of indie/arthouse foreign films that ive been wanting catch. first up was "the city of god", which talked about the slums of brazil and the way drugs and violence gripped the society, through the eyes of real kid who grew up in it. one if the best films ive ever watched, in terms of storyline, cinematography, and sequencing. the other one was "the motorcycle diaries", which talked about the travels of ernesto "che" guevara, who later became more popularly known for his work during in the Cuban revolution. it was through these travels that he saw the disparities and inequalities that existed throughout the south american continent that made him attracted to the revolutionary ideals of communism. ok all this sound like some film review. haha. well basically the fact is i thoroughly enjoyed watching them, and i'd highly recommend them to anyone who loves such unconventional and non mainstream art. seriously wonderful.

that pleasure aside, im tired. tired of school. tired of not getting enough sleep everytime. tired of not having the enough money ever. tired of having to work when kids these days spend like nobody's business. tired of essays. tired of getting picked on. tired of giving in when it seems to be the only peaceful way to solve things. tired of getting misunderstood. tired of trying to fix my unstylable hair. tired of this pain in my back. tired la just tired. for once i wannabe king. have everything going my way for once. money, luck, bliss.

que sera sera.

the Boh Hua Qu asam masin (preserved fruits) from the nus coop is the bomb. damn nice sia. though i dont even know what fruit it is preserved from. comes in this clear plastic with green white and white trimmings, and red letterings. even beats the Mor Far Kor brandname which ive been so in love with. mmm mmm mmm

aargh its that time of the semester where laziness no longer is an ailment but has rather become quite a disease. missed by 8am indochina tutorial today coz i took too long contemplating whether or not to go for it. rolled around in bed for ages before i finally decided to and my departure for school was set back some more by my daily morning regime. got out of my house after i was satisfied with the way i look and finally reached campus at at 8.25am. shite. didnt wanna come barging into the classroom like some ghetto superstar with a bad hair day made worse by the bledy helmet. so here i am updating my blog.

i hate this sickly feeling that has been bugging me for days. rather be sick bedridden than be feeling weak-jointed and throaty all day. been taking lotsa fluids in an attempt to cleanse the system but i guess having them carbonated may not really help. haha. and the normally dependable yellow decolgen flu tablet i usually take has failed me this time also. sucky la sucky.

my ankle and calf is getting better thanks to my mom's expert massaging techniques. think i can already walk as a normal as a person should with no more funny-looking limps and whatnots.

i am now so motivated to go on and take my class 2a licence soon. when i can spare the cash. interactions with fellow upgraders have made me realise the innate love i have for performance bikes i never knew i had. tried riding an XR4 scrambler yesterday and oh my the sound of the revs is quite orgasmic. and the pickup burst was quite a thrill. will probably aim for a Super4 bike if god wills my wishes to be. though id still be quite sad to let go of my trusty phantom cruiser, which have served me well so far. we'll see.

i have a few gripes that has set me questioning.

1. why cant some guys, just pee straight? i hate it when entering the cubicle only to see that it is peppered with streaks of wayward pee all around the toilet bowl or the seat cover. disgusting la. and please at least try to flush la assholes.

2, whats it with people dilly dallying taking their own sweet time to cross the road aye? especially when they can obviously see and hear that there ARE vehicles coming towards them. and expect the cars and bikes to slow down in anticipation of them and hope they clear the road before we reach their spot. and these happening on major roads mind u. with these fellas jaywalking. fark and when pedestrians do get into accidents first party they look for is the motorist. *undecipherable expletive*

3. i am anti-cars too. abit. mebbe coz i cant drive one yet. whats with bloody drivers who like to tailgate close to bikes huh. with the intent to intimidate aye. bledy hell why cant they just overtake if need be. my favourite counter to these idiots is to intermittently slow down and brake every now and then. picture a person in front of you walking and stopping every 5 steps he take. makes you not want to be kissing his butt right? haha.

i believe all these stems from the fact that singapore is just not a gracious nor civil enough society. i have more to say whine about next time. gotta get ready to go for my deviance tutorial now. wont wanna be missing that one too. *grin*

been busy with essays. left with 2 more, one for malay history and the other a science breadth project which i have no idea on what to do on. and im damn lagging in readings, and revision. feeling the strain. pretty weak lately.

my body is not in the most tip top condition right now. my right ankle's crocked. got a kick/knock during the last match for the interfaculty games. cant run now, and abit uncomfy to walk. think the bone is bruised or sumting. hope nothing's chipped inside. my knee is scrapped too, albeit slightly. got it from a tackle i made. ouch. the ground was hard ah. and i also kinda pulled my left calf while sprinting. the lack of fitness and proper conditioning is really taking quite a toll. this wouldnt have been if it was like 3-4 years ago. haha.

been inflicted with a sore throat too, which is slowly manifesting itself into abit of a funny funny sickly feeling all over me. think it started from the highly saturated home-made sheesha conconction yan's bro-in-law offered me. the cappucino flavour had a dizzying marlboro red effect, while the other grape flavoured one smelled like frangipani. weird la. must have been unfiltered to the max man. i could barely handle it. woozy through the night.

am real broke. no joke. shucks. cant wait for the hols to work my socks off earn some dough.

i need more sleep...